Immoderate Musings;
Quibblesome Quarrels;
Risible Rhapsodies on
Music and Morals

Silly sallies into the
sportive prolixity of
sesquipedalian taradiddles and
daffy dillies of diddling fiddle-faddle
and fulsome philosophical flapdoodle.
David Van Alstyne

Dedicated to my father
Arvo Van Alstyne
in memory of his oft repeated advice to me as a little boy:

"In promulgating your esoteric cogitations,
and articulating your superficial sentimentalities,
sedulously eschew prolixity and circumlocution, and
rigorously minimize rodomontade and thrasonical bombast."
[In short: Don't use big words]

Verses 1 - 48

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PAGE 2 / PAGE 3 / PAGE 4 / PAGE 5 / PAGE 6

Hurling herculean hype and hyperbole in
hysterical hails of exhortation
hewn in humorless hues of hubris and
honed and toned to the inflammation
1) hoarsely harping and heartily carping in a
howling hullabaloo of harsh allegation by
high-minded homilies and haughty huffs and puffs of
irascibly hierophantic expostulation,
2) haranguing hog-wild in perfervid philippics with a
harebrained ballyhoo of histrionic oration (a
most outstandingly inadvisable invitation to the
outing, by inadvertent hypostatization,
of the
4) unwholesomly harrowing hideous hubbub of
sermonic temper tantrums tellingly tainted by
psychosomatic convulsions of delirium with
dyspeptic hidrosis and hyperventilation)
5) only serve to impede the fatidic advent of a
bright golden age of Apollonian apperception and the
securely sequential result and ramification of its
expeditious, even preternatural, precipitation
of the
6) wondrous epiphenomenon of societal ascesis and its
provenance of factional restraint and coaptation; a
conceptual meal; a delicious ideal, though as
yet, still a high pie-in-the-sky vaticination
from the
7) stout, rugged, irrefragably incontrovertible esperance for
irreversible immigration into the happiest combination of
warm utopian sunshine, universal peace and good will,
intrinsic well-being, and fundamental sanctification,
8) some, that's nothing more than a futurological abstraction, yet
evidentially, it's a concrete eschatological destination; a
safely peaceable pandect, a teleology of fate framed in
faith-bolstered grit
and presentimental anticipation)
9) admittedly, fleetly floundering and foundering yet further into a
forbiddingly befouling fog of flat-footed failure by our
foolhardily forfending any informal figment of forum
featuring the forthrightly fructifying fomentation
10) even a vague pretense of fainthearted feigning of the
sedulous eschewal of its denaturalization
, or the
unsightly semblance of any chary limitation, if
not the actual razing and final eradication,
11) all the old ignoble offices of institutional vice which
spurn sublimation (but spawn facilitation of the
accursedly mercenary screens of normalization) for our
favorite nefarious forms of naughty stimulation
under the
12) protective aegis of low-life legalisms; an
addlepated ethos of unlimned liberation; a
competent configuration to brace, boost and buttress our
bald buzzardliness in blindly besotted infatuation
13) horridly hot choler and hair-triggered spleen spewing from
fabulistic furnaces of larcenous litigation and
founded on such darned dillies of diddling fiddle-faddle,
philosophical flapdoodle and follies of ideation
as the
14) damnatory, diabolically dismissive despoliation of
guileless glad-handing and free fraternization, a
depreciatory opiate of hazard-free asepsis in the
indurate idlesse of our collusive invocation
of the
15) indisposing ails of ennui; the unignorable ills of
neoteric acedia
(a grievous agglomeration), and the
obtrusive continuation, the pernicious proliferation, of
selfward doubt and down-putting denigration
in our
16) inchoately afflictive malaise of abulia; our
anomalous quandary, our quag of anomic diffidence and the
destructively chafing and sorely abrading afflatus of our
stiff-lipped estrangement, that absorptive alienation
17) elicits an array of antinomian gymnastics, a
false, unfunny facade of levelheaded gumption ever
fueling facile furies, a font of fussy fusillades filled with
hypocritical horror at the withering imputation
18) flitting, fluttering and fumbling in a flailing kerfuffle of
funambulistic flouncing through stumping stumblebummery in
frantically futilitarian flares, flurries, fits and flusters of
rending rectitudinal flexure and shifting fluctuation,
and is
19) propense to deign neither the casting of aspersions, nor the
passing of glances askance or of any discoloration, nor in
acquiescent silence suffering idiolectal slams from
certain snippy snipes who sling stigmatization
20) obnoxious irregularities of jejune impropriety, or
disgraceful mots of opprobrious ethical variation, or
electrifying effronteries of disgusting moral turpitude at the
very vanguard of actionable legal aberration.

21) Not with the currents of contemporary ochlocracy in our
supposedly halcyon hyperkinetic habituation to
heinously heedless and wholly heathen decadence
; our
convivially cozy, self-coddling collaboration
22) headless hedonism; our alarming acquiescence in the
exoneration, homologation, and passive ratification of
such disparate paths of self-excuse in our accreditation of a
massive catalogue of distemperate modes of depravation);
23) brassy bravado and unbuttoned braggadocio in what
should be the daunting dint of Dionysian debauchery; our
attitudinized affinities of hasty approbation, if
not unapologetically apoplectic promulgation
24) swimming through swamps of sewerly slop and swill with
drunken delight and downright ditsy delectation in the
routing, the disastrously dizzying devaluation, through
higgledy-piggledy daily deformation, of civilization

25) haplessly hamstrung, more than half-haggard and harried,
horribly hampered, harassed, hung, hassled and hectored into a
phylogenetic phase of glazed bleary-eyed haze; an
unseeing gaze on impending incapacitation,
26) carelessly cruise and carouse, careening ever closer to a
head-on crash with functional cessation until,
clearly unkenningly, we court a collective calamity of
real rue, ruinous rack and rancid relegation
to the
27) old proverbial landfill; the dustheap of history in a
turbid imbroglio of embarrassing flirtation with
uncurbed carnal caprice
; a somber indication of our
growing gravitation toward the edge of obliteration
ever in
28) sleepy subjection to the natural operation and
ongoing force of speeding centrifugation, in
apathetic nescience to the increasing acceleration of our
hair-raising plunge into the dumps of decimation;
into a
29) down-home drubbing of unprecedented despair; a
hot subliminal Hades of drudging dilapidation; a
potential depilation in dry dystopian deserts of
dysphoric deformity and detracting derogation
into a
30) teary drought of promise and incurable disrelation; our
undoing by dolor and disrelishable desiccation; into the
very nidus and presage, the ripsnorting bull's eye, of
distinctly irremeable, contortive exacerbation,
not just the
31) petty little namby-pamby epicyclical episode, nor a
lean little kink of ephemeral irk and irritation, nor a
cagey game of charades based on moonstruck denial of our
lunkheaded perplexity and inexplicable exasperation,
but a
32) real doozy, a humdinger of apocalyptic bust: a
bottomless barranca; the specter of Armageddon; a
global Gotterdammerung; an over-the-cliff katzenjammer of
unmitigated miff mixed with febrile frustration
through our
33) unwarrented warfares; our whopping wants and whimsies; our
wistfully wandering wayward, wild and willingly willy-nilly through
tracts of human wilderness in self-whittling wonder; through
eerie moonscapes of hypnopompic speculation
34) nonchalantly pococurante, we finally come to unwittingly ape a
pyrotechnical pandemonium of stampeding pismires, and with
defining incuriosity, we make an imprudent procession; an
incommodiously peppy parade; an acephalous peregrination
down a
35) long primrose path, a precise and prissy promenade; a
decluttered and well-buttered chute down to the transpiration of a
prelusive epitasis
leading to flabbergastingly short-sighted but
trendy spiritual suicide in a circus of self-desecration
in a
36) broad motly vastitude of variegated lechery; the
expansive attractions of lascivious incontinence
unhinderedly herding us straight into the absurdly siren,
perilous imminence of ignominious self-immolation
in the
37) fire-pits of uneducably libidinous callosity (with a
paucity of any pensive equiponderation); in an
increasingly intense inducer of infuriation, a
molto crescendo of cacophonic cachinnation,
38) creepy concoctions of crapulous crassitude; an
all too perceptibly frequent demonstration of
occult cabalas in thermogenic cauldrons of
heaving voluptuosity for the steamy provocation
39) ransack, rifle and raven all the slimy sludge while
passively partaking of the gaudy agglutination, that
monstrous cornucopia of cyclopean quantification, that
kaleidoscopic Babel of titanic temptation
40) pack a pitiful profit from the prideful prodigality of those
overactive engines of profluent profligacy
imbrue the knotty nub, that nasty nettlesome nodus of the
glowing inferno of ontological perturbation
in this
41) Babylonian bacchanal of protean perversity; this
pandemic bash of irrepressible promiscuity; this
flighty but flightlessly farcical festival of
fiendish, feverishly infectious inebriation
with the
42) very most brummagem, conceitedly kooky chimera, and
contemptible course of coarsely constrictive divination
ever to find itself cooked up in great big broiling vats, then
laid open, subjected to visionless evaluation,,
only to
43) become all high-and-mighty in the threat of correlation (by
significant shrinkage through paedomorphic retardation)
anyone's assailably arenaceous foundation of
gnosis, common sense and cognitive registration

by a
44) ruddy ruse of balmy spin, garrulous loquacity,
selective report and relativistic rationalization, leaving
many people dumbstruck in wide-eyed befuddlement,
hosed and hypnotized in benumbing dissimulation
of the
45) laws of reciprocity in the sudorific expectation of
wrenching remorse over the wreaking of wreckage in the
ineluctable reaping of an unhallowed harvest rightly
redolent of karmic wrath, rebuke and damnation
46) garnered by gleaning garbaceous gaggles of glop; those
immaterial, moldering masses of meretricious chaff; the
toxic bottom scrapings, the dreck, dregs, dross and detritus, the
obstruent guerdon of expediential miscomputation;
47) stinky, smoldering trash; that aromatically moldy mash
indiscriminately tossed up and scattered in whirlwinds and
turgid williwaws of pseudo-scholastic manure all over
playgrounds of pruritically prurient imagination;
48) "Lizard-Brained" portions of the willfully uneducated mind; that
psychic tumultuary from whence are conceived and hatched all
germinal eidolons, phony bogeys, of dastardly design for
criminal acts of really wrongful glandular gratification.


Hurling herculean hype and hyperbole - throwing out wild exaggerations like they were wedding cakes in a food fight
hysterical hails of exhortation - suggestions you would expect from a stark raving lunatic; or what some teenagers think is the only way their parents can talk to them, especially if it is
hewn in humorless hues of hubris - where something you create shows how wildly you overestimate your abilities and your importance to society
honed and toned to the inflammation - spiffed up to keep pace with your growing personal needs
(back to verse 1)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

hoarsely harping and hardily carping - complaining so long and loud that you start to lose your voice (or maybe from other people trying to strangle you)
howling hullabaloo of harsh allegation - like the prosecuting attorney's quietly delivered opening statement, at least as heard by the defendant
high-minded homilies - overbearing lectures on morality, usually given by a hypocrit
haughty huffs and puffs - the famously sinister tactic used by Mr. Big Bad Wolf when he blew down the houses of two of the Three Little Pigs
irascibly hierophantic expostulation - earnest reasoning made to sound like some kind of esoteric, sacred mystery
(back to verse 2)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

haranguing hog-wild in perfervid philippics - bitterly ranting and raving as if your hair is on fire and all people want to do is roast marshmallows in it
harebrained ballyhoo of histrionic oration - the hysterically theatrical way politicians belch out their dumb ideas, and defense attorneys win freedom for murderers
most outstandingly inadvisable invitation - an idea that's worse than most for what to do next, like asking the police officer who stops you for reckless driving to hold your open whiskey bottle because you need both hands to open your glove compartment or else your gun will fall out while you look to see if you can find an old driver's license
outing, by inadvertent hypostatization - accidentally telling the truth where people can hear you
(back to verse 3)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

unwholesomly harrowing hideous hubbub - a turmoil so confusing that it threatens your physical health
sermonic temper tantrums - where you are giving a talk in church, and in order to appear more spiritual, you throw yourself across the pulpit, pounding and sobbing
tellingly tainted - revealing something slightly amiss (like when you are out enjoying a romantic dinner and your baby-sitter calls in hysterics to ask where your fire extinguisher is)
psychosomatic convulsions of delirium - uncontrolled fits of frenzy, caused by nothing but your own emotional disturbance; what teenagers think their parents are experiencing when, as they go out for a few hours, they simply ask that the house not be turned into a neighborhood flea-market, a drug den, or a brothel
dyspeptic hidrosis - the sweat that breaks out when you watch the latest news about Congress
hyperventilation - where your breathing gets so fast and deep that it makes you want to throw up and faint (like when your daughter introduces you to her new boyfriend)
(back to verse 4)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

impede the fatidic advent - to interfere with, and thus slow down, the predicted arrival of something (as when, for example, you hijack an airplane and thereby cause it to be late)
Apollonian apperception - where you view the world as being full of order and harmony
securely sequential result and ramification - events that are standing in line just waiting to happen because of what you did, like the certainty that you will land somewhere, even if it makes you flat as a pancake, after you've jumped off a cliff
expeditious, even preternatural, precipitation - causing something to happen so quickly that it defies rational explanation, like reaching a human being when you call the IRS
(back to verse 5)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

wondrous epiphenomenon of societal ascesis - our collective wisdom and self-discipline being the amazing fruit of a larger process that caused it in the first place, for example, when we behave ourselves under the threat of total annihilation if we don't
provenance of factional restraint and coaptation - liberally bestowed gifts of whatever it is that inspires social and political enemies to control themselves and work together for their own common good
conceptual meal - an idea you can bite into without breaking a tooth or gaining weight
delicious ideal - a concept that pleases the tastebuds of your mind
high pie-in-the-sky vaticination - an unlikely hope or prediction (like the silly notion that Santa Claus will bring you a pile of Christmas toys while you're in prison for burning down a toy factory)
(back to verse 6)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

stout, rugged, irrefragably incontrovertible esperance - where, for example, you maintain the hope, toughened by many successes, that, despite your body's insistence to the contrary, if you manage to show up on time for work, it will not kill you
irreversible immigration - describes a skydiver when he jumps out of the airplane just before he changes his mind
intrinsic well-being - where your feelings of good health and happiness come from within, regardless of external circumstances
fundamental sanctification - where your most deeply rooted characteristics and values are not likely to get you arrested
(back to verse 7)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

futurological abstraction - things you imagine about the future (includes anything from what to have for dinner to how soon the sun will explode)
evidentially - useful as evidence
concrete eschatological destination - the exact place where we hope to find ourselves when the world comes to an end
safely safely peaceable pandect - a written article which, you can bet, is not trying to pick a fight, or start a war, as it discusses all possible aspects of peace
teleology of fate framed in faith-bolstered grit - the study of all evidences that there is actually design in nature, as opposed to chaos or coincidence, colored by the attitude that we must pray as if everything depends on God and then work as if everything depends on us
presentimental anticipation - the basis upon which people make wild and crazy bets
(back to verse 8)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

fleetly floundering - looking swift and nimble even while you are greatly confused, an essential skill for orchestra conductors and ballet dancers,
foundering - falling apart
forbiddingly befouling fog of flat-footed failure - the bewilderment that rises like a poisonous cloud from the sudden wreckage of your hasty mistakes (like when you discover you've brushed your teeth with acrylic paint instead of toothpaste) (or your demolition company has just mistakenly torn down a chemical research laborabory instead of a parking garage)
foolhardily forfending any informal figment of forum - rashly putting off even the faintest hint of any possible way to discuss an idea (how a 16-year-old would describe his parents' unreasonable reaction to his request to built a campfire in the living room)
forthrightly fructifying fomentation - similar to setting something in motion that will explode like a bomb filled with chunks of fruitcake
(back to verse 9)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

even a vague pretense of fainthearted feigning of the sedulous eschewal of its denaturalization - even merely acting as if we're doing a poor job of pretending to totally disagree that something is unnatural, and even we are confused by what we're making believe is real, or might be real, or isn't real (Huh??)
unsightly semblance - where a thing looks exactly like something else, only completely different because it looks worse
chary limitation - very carefully trying to keep someone like yourself, for example, from throwing a pie into the face of the first person who comes in the door, or being very sensitive about how you tell your dog he's not allowed to drive the car
razing and final eradication - demolishing something, then pulling it out by the roots once and for all (what some bosses and false friends can do to your self-confidence)
(back to verse 10)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

ignoble offices of institutional vice - the hallowed halls of congress, and other places of public entertainment, where moral depravity is systematically embedded into our culture
spurn sublimation - where you absolutely refuse to channel your scandalous impulses into more acceptable forms of expression
spawn facilitation - make it easier
accursedly mercenary screens of normalization - where in order to maintain the flow of dirty money, you create legal protection for all kinds of disgusting breaches of human decency on the nefarious grounds that public acceptance makes them permissible
nefarious - not fit for polite company
(back to verse 11)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

protective aegis of low-life legalisms - the means by which sleezy judges, lawyers, congresspersons, and other such criminal types find loopholes in the law to keep themselves out of jail
addlepated ethos of unlimned liberation - a thoroughly confused but popular idea that you can do anything you want
competent configuration - a useful arrangement (of the facts, in your mind)
brace, boost and buttress - what your friends sometimes have to do for you, just to keep you standing
bald buzzardliness - where because of either your appearance or your behavior, often both, you look like a buzzard as you thrive on the misfortunes of others
blindly besotted infatuation - where, with the help of blissful ignorance, you fall madly in love with what you believe a concept or a person to actually be, which explains why so many people walk into telephone poles or open manholes, literally and otherwise
(back to verse 12)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

choler - the disposition to be easily irritated
spleen - suppressed anger that sometimes leads one into a murderous rampage or other embarrassing social faux pas
fabulistic - a falsehood which, except for being false, is very reliable
larcenous litigation - lawsuits that amount to thievery
dillies of diddling fiddle-faddle - real humdingers of time-wasting nonsense, such as the political ideals of the other party
philosophical flapdoodle - utter nonsense based on logic, aesthetics, ethics, metaphysics, morality, and epistemology (in other words, eloquent defense of the indefensible)
follies of ideation - dumb ideas
(back to verse 13)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

damnatory, diabolically dismissive despoliation - not only pillaging, plundering, and wreaking havoc everywhere you go, but also saying impolite things while you are doing it
guileless glad-handing and free-feeling fraternization - shaking hands and being friendly with everyone, and not even charging money for it
depreciatory opiate of hazard-free asepsis - something that quiets your nerves by sucking all the warmth and vitality out of you, yet without risking any further damage
indurate idlesse - where you've been hardened into idleness, perhaps by having been murdered
collusive invocation - conducting business for illegal or deceitful purposes by criminal cooperation (as in drug cartels, prostitution rings, the Mafia, the press, the government, etc.)
(back to verse 14)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

indisposing ails of ennui - being so bored that it makes you sick
unignorable ills of neoteric acedia - negative effects of laziness which have never been thought of before
grievous agglomeration - a pretty pathetic pile of things you've put together
obtrusive continuation, the pernicious proliferation - the destructive rise and growth of something
selfward doubt and down-putting denigration - an acute lack of self-confidence (the feeling that hits a sky-diver when he jumps and suddenly realizes he forgot to put on his parachute)
(back to verse 15)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

inchoately afflictive malaise of abulia - you are free to exercise your own will, but you have none, and you can't figure out why, because you only got this way yesterday
anomalous quandary, our quag of anomic diffidence - our wierd state of bewilderment over the destruction of our standards and values, and now that they're gone, we don't know what to do about it
destructively chafing and sorely abrading - a process by which the little things in life wear you down and eventually rub holes in you
afflatus - inspiration
stiff-lipped estrangement - unemotional seperation (or so you hope it seems)
absorptive alienation - aha! you do have feelings about being seperated, and they are overtaking your mind and sucking the life out of you
(back to verse 16)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

elicits an array of antinomian gymnastics - calls forth all kinds of twisted arguments against what is right
false, unfunny facade of levelheaded gumption - your pretense of being wise and sensible, which makes nobody laugh when they find out you are anything but
facile furies - the things that happen when your "I think I'd like to go into a wild rage now" button is too light to the touch
font of fussy fusillades - the source of the outbursts of criticism that go sailing out of your mouth, but so gently as to prove that you are more worried about being polite than helpful (Rule of Etiquette: when you are destroying someone, make sure you do it politely)
hypocritical horror - pretending to be scared out of your witts when you are not
withering imputation - an accusation that makes you feel like you've suddenly aged a whole year, like when your friends wish you happy birthday
(back to verse 17)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

flitting, fluttering and fumbling in a flailing kerfuffle - seeming to move with aimless agitation, in awkward fits of stumbling from one thing to another while swinging one's limbs out of control (the way some ballerinas describe their performance, no matter how beautifully they danced)
funambulistic flouncing - trying to find your footing almost as if you are walking a tightrope during an earthquake
stumping stumblebummery - where you look like you've been thrown out of a helicopter into the jungle and now you have a big spider crawling around under your shirt
frantically futilitarian flares, flurries, fits and flusters - where, in the frustrating belief that no one is listening, you have confused, agitated meltdowns and throw temper tantrums that would make any 2-year-old proud
rending rectitudinal flexure and shifting fluctuation - the moral foundaton upon which, against your better instincts, you pretend to believe it's okay to do anything you want as long as it feels good
(back to verse 18)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

propense to deign - being inclined to consider doing something beneath your dignity (such as running for congress)
casting of aspersions - saying bad things about someone (not to be confused with casting nosturtiums)
passing of glances askance - give quick sideways looks of disapproval
discoloration - the negative light you shed on something just to make it look worse than it does in daylight
acquiescent silence - silence is assent; in other words, if you ask your teenaged daughter where she's going as she steps out of the house in the middle of the night, and she says, "My boyfriend just escaped from prison. We're going to meet his buddies and blow up the IRS building," and you are too stunned to to stop her, so you say nothing, you are legally agreeing that the caper is a good idea, and that's how many very surprised fathers end up as cellmates with their daughters' boyfriends
idiolectal slams - showing a thoughtless lack of common sense in your use of certain inapropriate speech patterns (such as cursing like a drunken sailor when you're having an audience with the Pope or tea with the Queen)
snippy snipes - rude people with short-tempers trying to act like big shots
sling stigmatization - saying things like, "Why, that's disgraceful!" or "You had no right to shoot that person!"
(back to verse 19)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

irregularities of jejune impropriety - mind-numbingly unacceptable departures from civilized norms
disgraceful mots of opprobrious ethical variation - your obscenities are so shameful that no one but you would would ever use them
electrifying effronteries - where you are assaulted with such disrespect that it makes your hair stand on end, if you have any, as if you had stuck your finger into a light bulb socket
moral turpitude - subjecting yourself, rather than to higher qualities of mind and spirit, to corrupt and vile things (or in other words, being morally terp)
vanguard of actionable legal aberration - the very newest, most up-to-date methods of breaking the law and building new friendships with lawyers, judges and prison guards
(back to verse 20)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

ochlocracy - mob rule (another term for democracy)
supposedly halcyon hyperkinetic habituation to heinously heedless and wholly heathen decadence this is when we think we have found happiness through very busily ignoring things we don't like, such as human decency, and we think we can always outrun our consciences in the "blissful" enjoyment of depravity
convivially cozy, self-coddling collaboration - where, having a fondness for the comforts of life which we can't fully enjoy while we're being inconvenienced by fighting the good fight, we solve the problem by giving up and cooperating with the enemy
(back to verse 21)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

headless hedonism - the doctrine that personal pleasure is the highest good in life, best achieved by ignoring anybody who says otherwise
acquiescence - allowing something to happen by doing nothing to stop it
exoneration - what you get when they finally figure out you didn't do it after all
homologation - official confirmation of whatever story needs to be true at the moment
passive ratification - where you formally confirm, or accept, something without having to lift a finger
disparate paths of self-excuse in our accreditation - the amazing list of justifications by which we legitamize our ethically corrupt, disgustingly depraved, morally diseased, and otherwise inappropriate, behavior
distemperate modes of depravation - where you do things that, likewise, being ethically corrupt, disgustingly depraved and morally diseased, are also inappropriate
(back to verse 22)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

brassy bravado - when you do something stupid just to show how brave you are (like trying to juggle three cats, or disagreeing with your mother-in-law)
unbuttoned braggadocio - what a loud-mouthed braggart engages in just before his shirt pops open
daunting dint of Dionysian debauchery - the frightful power that gets worked up to an orgiastic frenzy of enough immoral fun to make your legs wobble
attitudinized affinities of hasty approbation, if not unapologetically apoplectic promulgation - where, like crazed sheep, we all quickly decide it's embarrassing to approve of, if not give ourselves a stroke from wildly cheering for, just another half-baked piece of nonsense
(back to verse 23)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

swamps of sewerly slop and swill - situations that stink like the slop you would find in a sewer
ditsy delectation - goofy enjoyment
routing - beating someone quite thoroughly in a contest
disastrously dizzying devaluation, through higgledy-piggledy daily deformation, of civilization - a gravely bewildering decline in life as we know it
(back to verse 24)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

haplessly hamstrung - having the bad luck to be rendered powerless
haggard - looking like a wreck
harried - annoyed by a great many more problems than you would prefer to have at the moment
hampered, harassed - feeling restricted from doing what you want (like having to behave yourself to avoid being charged with contempt of court)
hung, hassled and hectored - plagued, pestered and poked
phylogenetic phase - a normal stage in the development of something (as in society, for example, when people start bringing guns to church)
unseeing gaze on impending incapacitation - when you are looking but can't see that you are about to be disabled (like, for example, when you decide to stand up on a roller-coaster)
(back to verse 25)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

carelessly cruise and carouse - go on the lookout for degrading ways to have fun, with complete disregard for life and limb
careening - lurching and swaying from side to side as you go merrily along (some of us do this just walking down the sidewalk)
functional cessation - when, finally, you have become good for nothing (as naturally happens to parents when their children enter their teens)
clearly unkenningly, we court a collective calamity - without understanding, we act as if we want to bring disaster upon ourselves (what voters often do on election day)
rue - regret and sorrow (what voters are often made to feel soon after election day)
rack - a cause of anguish or pain (what elected officials often give to voters, hoping there's enough time before the next election for the voters to forget)
rancid relegation - assignment to a place of distasteful insignificance or oblivion (what they do to you when bosses discover that you are more competant than they are)
(back to verse 26)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

old proverbial landfill; the dustheap of history - that imaginary garbage dump filled with the stories of once-important people like kings, presidents, leaders of armies and navies, inventors, philosophers, artists, musicians, and many parents of teenagers
imbroglio of turbid entanglement in embarrassing flirtation with uncurbed carnal caprice - messy, muddy complications resulting from your decision to experiment freely with popular temptations of crude bodily pleasures and appetites (what teenagers have to explain to parents once they get out of the hospital after their latest party)
somber indication of our growing gravitation toward the edge of obliteration - a not very rosy sign that we are being increasingly attracted to the threshhold of utter destruction
(back to verse 27)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

speeding centrifugation - what happens when you are on a merry-go-round going way too fast to hold on
apathetic nescience - not caring about not knowing; being obstinately and wilfully stupid
dumps of decimation - how you might feel after the earth is sucked into a black hole
(back to verse 28
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

down-home drubbing of unprecedented despair - a simple, straightforward beating over the head with more hopelessness than you've ever known
subliminal hot Hades of drudging dilapidation - where you don't realize it, but you are in a special hell of monotonous decay and increasing ruin
potential depilation in dry dystopian deserts of dysphoric deformity and detracting derogation - a desolate and forbidding place in the mind that fills you with such fear that you could quickly go bald, where you keep hearing the question, "How did I get into this mess?" and where you feel especially sick about being morally defective, aesthetically flawed and just generally inadequate (the way performing artists often feel before, during and after their performances)
(back to verse 29)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

teary drought of promise and incurable disrelation - a prolonged shortage of good things, plus a hopeless lack of friends, but otherwise, not so bad
undoing by dolor and disrelishable desiccation - the way a bad hangover can set your clinical depression on fire
nidus - the place where it all begins
presage - intuition about the future (so that, for example, if you decide to give in and start letting your dog drive the car, you will always sit next to him and have him on a leash, so it won't look so bad when the police officer pulls you over)
distinctly irremeable, contortive exacerbation - the twisting of things so far out of shape that you'll never get them straight again
(back to verse 30)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

petty little namby-pamby epicyclical episode - a smaller process within a larger one (such as getting your necktie caught in the paper shredder when you are in the larger process of preparing for a visit from the grand jury)
lean little kink of ephemeral irk and irritation - the small, insignificant event which at first makes you want to commit murder, but you eventually get over it
cagey game of charades based on moonstruck denial - the crafty mind-games you play in order to maintain your residence in la-la-land despite all the things you see and hear that cause normal people to run screaming
lunkheaded perplexity - where your best explanation for what is happening is "Huh?" or more eloquently, "Say what??"
inexplicable exasperation - when you are extremely annoyed but can't figure out why, or in other words, the reason cannot be explicked
(back to verse 31)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

real doozy, a humdinger of apocalyptic bust - a real whopper of total collapse on a scale foreshadowing universal doom and destructon (like when your computer crashes)
bottomless barranca - an unfathomably deep gully with steep sides that make it seem even deeper
specter of Armageddon - a horrible image of open jaws that are about to consume you (like when your boss opens his mouth to say something), but in this case it's merely an image of crucial conflict that results in catastrophic annihilation
global Gotterdammerung - where the whole world falls apart in violence and disorder (just like an office Christmas party)
over-the-cliff katzenjammer - a state of life-threatening distress (what your dog thinks he's going through when he watches you eat)
unmitigated miff mixed with febrile frustration - an all out, unadulterated, super-deluxe, triple-whamy temper tantrum where, this time, you are literally hot under the coller
(back to verse 32)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

wistfully wandering wayward, wild and willingly willy-nilly - milling around like an audience leaving a concert hall, having been assaulted by some award-winning composer's latest piece for ten kazoos, five piccolos and a tuba
tracts of human wilderness - modern urban jungles, just as bewildering and dangerous as untamed regions ruled by animals who sustain themselves by eating each other
self-whittling wonder - when something is so awesomely mysterious that it causes you enough astonishment to tear away little pieces of what you thought was your mind until you no longer have one
eerie moonscapes of hypnopompic speculation - where you might as well be walking alone on the moon, engaged in the kind of semi-conscious, aimless thinking you do while deciding whether it's worth it to get up in the morning
(back to verse 33)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

nonchalantly pococurante, we finally come to unwittingly ape - where with a complete lack of concern, we find ourselves (for example) accidentally acting as stupid as members of the opposing political party in an election year
pyrotechnical pandemonium of stampeding pismires - ants running together in such feverish chaos that they seem likely to burst into flames
defining incuriosity, we make an imprudent procession - when your particular lack of interest is one of the most exciting things in your life, and your resulting plans are outstandingly ill-advised, you nevertheless march forward
incommodiously peppy parade - a big showy procession which would be much easier for you to tolerate if everyone wasn't so full of energy and high spirits
acephalous peregrination - a leaderless mob on the move (hopefully no torches, pitch forks, pointed white hoods, or empty nooses)
(back to verse 34)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary
primly pruned primrose path - a course of sensual conduct, neatly trimmed of all bothersome inhibitions, such as common sense
precise and prissy promenade - taking a walk where you can show off how refined and delicate you are in terms of grooming and fashion, although not necessarily in your behavior
decluttered and well-buttered chute down to the transpiration of a prelusive epitasis - since scientists have discovered that the quickest way to go down a slide, or a chute, is to cover it with butter and be sure there is no junk on it to crash into, this has become your speedy slide of choice into the part of the drama where everything is about to explode into catastrophe, but it's only the beginning of something even worse (where all the weeping and wailing really happen)
trendy spiritual suicide - a currently fashionable way to comit the opposite of traditional suicide where the body dies but the spirit continues to live forever, whereas in this case, and as we see in too many of our associates, the spirit dies while the body continues to live
circus of self-desecration - the shameful mockery you are happy to make of yourself
(back to verse 35)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

hotly motly vastitude of variegated lechery - an almost immeasurably wide variety of lewd, lustful activities to keep you from being bored
expansive attractions of lascivious incontinence - the ever increasing variety of crimes that your wandering hands are driven into by raw animal lust
unhinderedly - without opposition
absurdly siren - unexplainably enticing
perilous imminence of ignominious self-immolation - how dangerously close we are to the embarrassment of throwing ourselves onto a blazing funeral pyre of earthly desires
(back to verse 36)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

uneducably libidinous callosity - where having rendered your conscience numb, you are hopelessly hardened in your desires to do naughty things
paucity of any pensive equiponderation - where you don't spend any time meditating in an effort to keep your head on straight, because you are afraid it might actually work
inducer of infuriation - that which makes us want to breath fire
molto crescendo of cacophonic cachinnation - a huge increase in the volume of ugly laughing (what you might hear from behind the closed doors of the Public Works Commission as they decide which city streets would be the most fun to dig large holes into, again)
(back to verse 37)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

creepy concoction of cold crapulous crassitude - a weird collection of things that are disgustingly gross (like rancid fruitcake)
occult cabalas - mysterious arts (like making sense of the U.S. Tax Code)
thermogenic cauldrons - large, very hot kettles that seem to produce their own heat heaving voluptuosity - your brain throbbing with indulgent fantasies of carnal ecstasy which could accidentally make your brain explode (which is why you should always wear a tight hat when you are getting frisky)
steamy provocation - hot, sensual temptation
(back to verse 38)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

ransack, rifle and raven - to pillage and plunder and greedily feed upon something (like your birthday cake before your party guests arrive)
slimy sludge - gooey glop; a mixture of muck, yuck, and guck
passively partaking of the gaudy agglutination - actually absorbing, simply by doing nothing to prvent it, all kinds of tastelessly dazzling and extravagantly stupid offerings (such as watching an evening of network television)
monstrous cornucopia of cyclopean quantification - the vast abundance of things that are extremely over-blown no matter how you measure them, considering you do that with only one eye, half-closed, instead of both eyes wide open
kaleidoscopic Babel of titanic temptation - a confusing parade of ideas that make you want to go out and do things you'll be sorry for
(back to verse 39)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

pack a pitiful profit from the prideful prodigality of those
overactive engines driving the profluent profligacy
- to take other people's money as a public service to help them refrain from shamelessly wasting it on thieving schemes based on wildly unbridled self-indulgence
imbrues the knotty nub, the nasty net, the nettlesome nodus - leaves your own personal blotch on the essence of what is already the most irritatingly complicated part of a problem
growing, glowing inferno of fear and ontological perturbation - what happens when everything we think we know about something seems to get turned upside down in a proverbial nuclear explosion of confusion
(back to verse 40)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Babylonian bacchanal of protean perversity - a wild orgy of bad behavior
pandemic bash of irrepressible promiscuity - a big party where the invited guest list includes the whole human race, and nobody cares how, when, where, why, or with whom, they misbehave, since they can't be stopped anyway
flighty but flightlessly farcical festival - a goofy, uncentered celebration of laughable stupidity, which accomplishes nothing and gets us nowhere
fiendish, feverishly infectious inebriation - where you think you're having fun, but of course you really aren't, because you've merely worked yourself into a mindless frenzy, and now you're working others into the same mindless frenzy, so everyone will soon be in a mindless frenzy thinking they are having fun (which is why many people drink)
(back to verse 41)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

most brummagem, conceitedly kooky chimera, this - an idea that comes into your head and inflates your ego past the point of realizing that you are having illusions
contemptible course of coarsely constrictive divination - detestible insights that lead you all over the place while they make you afraid of everything
laid open, ubjected to visionless evaluation, - proving that when it comes to judging the worth of things, you would rather not be confused by the facts
(back to verse 42)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

threat of correlation (by significant shrinkage through paedomorphic retardation - presenting the dangers of conforming to something when it means you have to dumb yourself down so you can take on characteristics you once had when you were young and stupid
assailably arenaceous foundation of gnosis, common sense and cognitive registration - with all due respect, because the way you process information, and thus gain your understanding of life, is based exclusively on what you can perceive through your outward senses, it is therefore based on nothing firmer than sand
(back to verse 43)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

ruddy ruse - wily subterfuge, or in English, a clever trick
spin - a way of shading or framing the facts so that something bad for you now looks good, or something good for the other guy now looks bad
garrulous loquacity - where you ramble on and on about trivialities, and the more you say, the less it means
selective report - the way you intend for your story to sound when you pretend to tell us exactly what happened (the process by which we are fed tainted information from professional hipocrits, liars, and crooks)
relativistic rationalization - when you excuse your behavior according to which particular set of morals works best for you this time around
hosed and hypnotized in benumbing dissimulation - tricked and overwhelmed into a sleep-like state where our dubious bonding as a group grows increasingly deep and mindless the more of us there are
(back to verse 43)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

laws of reciprocity in the sudorific expectation - the principle by which you know you're going to get what's coming to you as it effects your sweat-inducing dread of what that is
rascally wreaking of wreckage - your cute little impish manner of rampaging through people's lives leaving a trail of destruction and ruin
ineludibly ineluctable reaping of an unrehearsably unhallowed harvest - where, for doing things you should be ashamed of, you can count on being amply rewarded by the world, which will make you even better able to do things you should be even more ashamed of, but it's unavoidable that God'll get you for it
rightly redolent of karmic wrath, right-minded rebuke and damnation - a reminding stench that what goes around comes around
(back to verse 45)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

garnered by gleaning garbaceous gaggles of glop - collected from all the stinky and disgusting memories of your life
immaterial, moldering masses of meretricious chaff - a gigantic invisible pile of human intelligence neverthelss curdling into a blob of sludge composed of mental rot
dreck, dregs, dross and detritus - junk, as it's known by those with large vocabularies
obstruent guerdon - a supposed reward which will hang around your neck like a millstone, or a deceased albatross if you'd rather
expediential miscomputation - the mistake you made because all the pressure sent you into a panic and your calculations were based on immediate needs instead of the bigger picture
(back to verse 46)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

stinky, smoldering trash - horrible smelling, slow-burning rubbish, like, for example fresh fish guts left in a closed garbage can on a hot summer day
aromatically moldy mash - smelly ingredients all smooshed together in hot water (reminiscent of a stew made from vinegar-marinated goat livers in a base of fresh camel dung steeped in fermented eggplant juice)
malodorous - improperly reeking waves of flowery, pompous language that somehow actually sounds like it represents the rudiments of intelligent thought, but it doesn't; this is what you get whenever corrupt politicians (pardon the redundancy) see a microphone and a camera
pruritically prurient - where the intensity of your lust makes you itch
(back to verse 47)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

"Lizard-Brained" portions - the primitive part of your brain, your limbic cortex, which feeds the lower, less evolved areas of your mind (the entire mind for some people)
psychic tumultuary - a place in the mind ruled by riot, lawless confusion and impetuosity (where many people, like violent criminals and government officials, do all their thinking)
germinal phantom eidolons, phony bogeys, of dastardly design - the very beginnings of cowardly imaginings which lead to the acting out of underhanded treachery (what most company bosses and corporate CEOs thought and giggled about when they were babies)
criminal, acts of really wrongful glandular gratification - the horrible things you do to other people just to make yourself feel good
(back to verse 48)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Verses 49 - 105
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