Immoderate Musings;
Quibblesome Quarrels;
Risible Rhapsodies on
Music and Morals

by
David Van Alstyne



PAGE 5
Verses 197 - 240


Verses:
200 / 210 / 220 / 230 / 230
GLOSSARY
PAGE 1 / PAGE 2 / PAGE 3 / PAGE 4 / PAGE 6



But no. With
197) agonal attempts to allay any manneristic
airs of agonistic atticism
as well as
bypassing shots at oracular calumniation while
ardently avoiding rococo ornamentation,
and
198) avidly averting any pejorative appellation, or the
acrid flood, the truly tempestuous tide, the
fluviatile amplitude of guilt and self-disgust, even
including bodily mortifying self-flagellation
which would
199) ineludibly inhere to anxieties of inadequacy in
unceasing circumspection and self-exploration
, (for
socialization, wouldn't that be a slouchy succedaneum

hardly marked by any kind of modesty in the minimization
of
200) impercipiently flibbertigibbety, hammily niminy-piminy, yea,
disproportionately, purblindly prideful and prismatic, or at least
orgulously orotund, inordinately overblown, even
farcically vain and vacuously courtly coruscation),
while neither
201) pusillanimously pussyfooting squarely into loblollies of
scholarly squiggling
and agnostic subjectivization nor
pratfalling into potholes or paratactical mudpuddles of
unsalvagability in encumbering equivocation
,
nor
202) plowing into philological pits of pure, piddling piffle,
antsy and atwitter with misdirectional fecundation, nor
finding ourselves pitched, head first, by demotic imprecision, into
parlous pools of turgescently polysemous tergiversation
,
nor
203) undeterrably railing in a rambunctiously unruly romp, an
unsparing, rip-roaringly rollicking riff, a rampage toward a
froward free-for-all of free-form fisticuffs, or any other
currish or dishonorably splanchnic altercation
to be
204) found boiling over in a mercurial hyperkinesis of
erethic, apparently nanocerebrally eristic, (or maybe at
least unconvincing), hypertensively vein-popping binges and
mad screaming tirades of exophthalmic fulmination
,
I
205) more sanely choose to seek at least the superficies of
safety in the signally sapid validation of a
little exclusionary self-enhancement, namely
calculated shunning, even summary disassociation,
from such a
206) sovereignly soft-headed, solemnly sophomoric and,
sad to say, sensationally blockheaded perseveration in
longsome, sappily snooty snits and snivelling stints of
viewily primitive behavioral extemporization

by
207) redacting this relatively rebarbative rarefication; this
compendium that obviously has no need for any truncation; this
unhurried, wryly euphonious, overly nourished rendition of
stabbingly sardonic sass
and incondite inculcation;
this
208) magniloquently modeled but mannerly mantic jeremiad; this
pressing suit of precipitously incremental incrimination; this
opulent, if oppresively officious, piebald epopee; this
awfully august, orphic ode of expository dilation
upon the
209) mealy microsphere of so-called "serious" modern music and its
flaccid mettle in the fetters of its festering fettle in
mingy, saprogenically self-ensorcelled partisanship and
nice-nelly soul-slaughtering internecine politicization
(and its
210) rightly derisive popular prejudicial assignation to
ivory-tower territoriality
: the ritual sacralization of
hoary hocus-pocus nose-up academic elitism
and
ungraciously inegalitarian strutting and stratification)
as it
211) volubly abets its own brand of bottomless bunk, a
rickety, ramshackle racket of gratuitous dissonance in a
shoddy, ear-slamming sham of clashing slatternly slathers,
scandalously enshrining flagitious noise in legitimization
as it
212) countenances collusion in the disreputable business of a
sickly salable, insolubly faddish fixation on
pointless atrocities of analytical pettifoggery in
crimes of heartless vivisectional anatomization.



So if I
213) cavil and prate in a positively painful plaint or in
rapturous profusion of inappropriate delation, or with
injudiciously loose and jovial gesticulation I
jabber, jaw, gibber and rag in prosaic prolongation,
or if I
214) grouchily gabble, grumble, gripe, and just plain grumpily grouse,
cavalierly grandstanding in a garbled prodigality of
turgid gasconade
and sportive prolixity in
splurges of patently pyrotechnical peroration,
or if I
215) rattle and prattle, seeming to push the battle
way beyond the pale in a seamless parlance of
acutely creepy, cryingly curt, churlish and catty,
not to mention cruelly cudgeling castigation
,
or if I
216) stoop to putter, drably dabbling in doggerel and
dribbling dim-witted drivel duly suggestive of
sybaritic stupor
, implausible preoccupation and a
bent for paramnesiac somnambulation
,
or if,
217) overly gregarious and gagably garrulous, I
pop, flip-flop and flintily flout,
vibing and gibing by flaunting flotsam in
stammering swaggers of catachrestical intoxication
making a
218) grammatical swamp, a mirthfully murky mire (of
apocryphal ambages, an uncountable compilation not the
least bit parsimonious in predatory pranks and
roguish antics of fanatical argumentation
)
thus
219) deflecting this already digressive divertimento, this
perplexing garden of gongoristic esoterica, of
impracticalities of sesquipedalian jugglery, of
gingerly jest and folly-filled jollification,
from
220) weirdly wrought waxings of jocular jape to a
jabbering jumble of jiving tribulation through a
cracked and crooked crucible of pneumatological quackery; a
noxious nimiety of scarily scarifying execration;
or if,
221) apparently non compos mentis, I seem to go a bit berserk
shying backhanded brickbats of scathing adjudication
by
bitterly berating, betimes with a bit of bruising burlesque, our
baleful bane of broad-minded barbarization
,
and if
222) lacking longanimity, I belabor loud loutish language and
sluggardly slobberings of logorrheic lobotomization with
misological bearings born of ideological bricolage, while
panning such sorry scenes of phraseological permutation
as
223) quibbling in brumal blizzards of bloated blither and blabber; a
bollix of squabbles blowing with biting brio in a botheration of
bluntly blurted blats and bleats of bilious blue burble
and
beligerant blarney brimming with the unblenching exaltation
of an
224) unbottled caboodle of Byzantine baloney in
boringly barren babble; the tarnishing tyrannization of
bumptious bobberies
, barefaced bonhomous bosh and
unblushing bluffs of Bunyanesque prevarication,
or if like a
225) batrachian Beelzebub, I bellow and blast point blank at the
blistering blitz of blatant bilge, in vibrant verbalization
; or if
bristling and bridling, I bray and bark at the burly brabble in
lancinating barbs banking on bathetic exploitation

while
226) broadly and blaringly bemoaning all the badly bodacious
bodement of our booze-besoden bedazzled bamboozlement
, in
morose and mawkishly maudlin moans and groans, and
elegiac threnodies of baroque lamentation,
or if I
227) gnash, bash and rashly lash the long-running rehash, the
obbligato of boisterously blasphemous incantation, while
lambasting the bludgeoning barrage of blackguardly blatherskite in
school-yard name-calling and coarse conversation,
please
228) see, take note and deem that neither astigmatic want nor
any other low degree of impugnable insufficiency is
left to be shown of correctly condign Comstockery or of
bows to benignantly butyraceous bowdlerization,
but
229) rather that though it be a bit fustily fuliginous,
bulging with blackish broodings and, yes, fairly bursting as a
vade mecum (as it were) of captious contrivance and
dunderheaded doings of daringly devious derivation,
and
230) though it could be seen as a slightly obscure entanglement of
feloniously elliptical, spikey, briery blandishments
in a
big bulking bogey; a boneheaded boondoggle of
albeit artfully anfractuous articulation,
yet, for
231) us lumpen pilgrims who go groggily groping like
country bumpkins lost in the Land of the Philistines
, this
just might agreeably gruntle any grain of greed while
vanquishing any vestigial need for expiation,
and
232) even go so far as to educe the frangible augury, the
sunny-bright atmosphere of burgeoning edulcoration; an
auspicious aspect for the prospective amplification of its
anesthetization
against, or at least its attenuation
of, the
233) ever ongoing pageant of sacerdotal protreptics in
aphotic helotry to nomothetic haruspicy and those
polymorphously hopping hobgoblins of prescriptive nagging and
practices of gorgonizing classroom regimentation
from those
234) grifters, those Hunnish gerents that always had to be answered with
looks of forlorn servitude in responsive sequacity (and
resultant ruffles of real resentment riding on ripples of
breezily insolent, scoffing subvocalization
)
all of which
235) yet paint a funereal pall on approaching horizons where
still haunt the very undead antediluvian incubi
of
despicably proscriptive tyrants and murdering despots and all the
indefeasibly repressive and often deathly domination
of
236) routinely rewarded psychopathic martinets; autistically
avaricious avatars of their own repugnant delusion
;
poorly self-made green-eyed grisly guardians of graft;
ministerial purveyors of ersatz education
who,
237) knavishly insulted by precocious young talent, or
any mysteriously nimble gift of inchoate genius, will, with
disclamation, paranoically proffer, in lieu of their
dutiful solicitude, concerned care and cultivation
,
only a
238) Brobdingnagian armamentarium of Machiavellian supression; in
place of simple praise and endearing commendation, their
furtive abuse by means of procrustean bureaucracy,
slinky snobby snubbery and sneering stultification
all
239) coyly executed under a gamily guiltless guise of
Brahmanic poise and sniffy sanctimonious unction; the
smiling, smarmy visage of demonically cold-blooded
burking
and agile authoritarian strangulation;
their
240) very own cankerous contribution to the horrible heft of
history's stomping hobnail jackboots
, the injustice of
ad hominem assault in the war of attrition waged in
deep dank dungeons of dispiteous deprecation
.




GLOSSARY

(back to verse 197)

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

agonal attempts to allay any manneristic airs of agonistic atticism - where it really hurts every time you try to do the right thing by not looking as if you are spreading malicious but convincingly authoritative lies just to make a point
shots at oracular calumniation - attempts to utter malicious lies with magisterial solemnity ardently avoiding rococo ornamentation - trying very hard not to make your lies any more elaborate or convoluted than they have to be (the mark of an honest politician)
(back to verse 198)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

avidly averting any pejorative appellation - trying your best not to give, or earn, any derogatory nick-names
acrid - very bitter and stinky
tempestuous tide - a tidal wave of water, people, or ideas
full fluviatile amplitude - flowing like a raging river with the spout opened up all the way
bodily mortifying self-flagellation - working toward spiritual purification by beating yourself on the back with birch branches (which might be one reason why spiritual impurity is so popular these days)
(back to verse 199)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

ineludibly inhere to anxieties of inadequacy in unceasing circumspection and self-exploration - it always accompanies your self-conscious fears that you might be behaving like an ax murderer in polite company when in fact you are trying your hardest to mind your manners and not kill anybody
for socialization, wouldn't that be a slouchy succedaneum - in terms of early training for membership in civilized society, that choice is more likely to make you fit for prison, or for membership in congress
hardly marked by any kind of modesty in the minimization - not exactly humble about mending your ways
(back to verse 200)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

impercipiently flibbertigibbety - acting like a tarantula is crawling up each of your legs inside your trousers, and all you know is you feel like jumping out the window
hammily niminy-piminy - always making a show of how affectedly effeminate you can be (as if you were a big, muscular, bald, heavily tatooed and bearded saloon bouncer trying to compete as one of the girls in a Miss Teen USA contest)
disproportionately, purblindly prideful and prismatic - having a head too big for your hat, but too small for your expansive ego and your colorful opinions on everything
orgulously orotund - significantly plus-sized (like Henry VIII or William Howard Taft)
inordinately overblown - it's either like a tempest in a tea-pot, or it was like the way you played your trombone in place of the cellist, who was sick, that time in the string quartet recital,
farcically vain and vacuously courtly coruscation - where you try too hard to make people laugh with you, but they laugh at you instead
(back to verse 201)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

pusillanimously pussyfooting squarely into loblollies of scholarly squiggling - where, fearing to make a mistake in defending your thesis, you tiptoe straight into an academic swamp infested by those silly professors whose views are so narrow that they thresh and twitch, flail and flounder, writhe, wiggle, wriggle and jiggle over trivial triflings and nugatory fribbles - and if you told them that, they's think it was a compliment
agnostic subjectivization - basing your opinions on feelings and emotions because you don't believe there's any scientific way to determine the truth
pratfalling into potholes - tumbling head first into holes you didn't notice in the sidewalk
paratactical mudpuddles of unsalvagability in encumbering equivocation - grammatical catastrophies that nobody can straighten out, which is their intended use when politicians want to say as little as possible with as many words as possible (which is as often as possible)
(back to verse 202)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

plowing into philological pits of pure, piddling piffle - enthusiastically adopting ways to say things that turn your ideas into holes of utter absurdity
antsy and atwitter with misdirectional fecundation - all excited with brand new, freshly stupid ideas
pitched, head first, by demotic imprecision, into parlous pools of turgescently polysemous tergiversation - by using common figures of speech incorrectly, you have fall head over heels into the use of word patterns that amount to overblown gobbledygook
(back to verse 203)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

undeterrably railing in a rambunctiously unruly romp - like the temper tantrum of a 2-year-old, or like your boss expressing his feelings the best way he can
unsparing, rip-roaringly rollicking riff, a rampage - having a wonderful time, pillaging and plundering your way through people's minds
froward free-for-all of free-form fisticuffs - like a drunken brawl in a saloon where not only fists are flying, but also chairs and tables; or the reason we try to avoid any contention in adult Sunday School class so the Bishop doesn't have to come in with his gun, shooting bullets into the ceiling
currish or dishonorably splanchnic altercation - like a normal company staff meeting where people are hitting each other instead of discussing things
(back to verse 204)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

mercurial hyperkinesis - where you cannot stop moving from one place to another as if you are flying with wings on your feet
erethic - abnormally irritable; it's time to be put into your rubber room
apparently nanocerebrally eristic - a person whose prefrontal cortex must be virtually non-functional, as I'm sure we would find in all the many people who disagree with me politically. (The epithet "pea-brain" might be accurate here, but we try not to lower the tone of our discourse unless we really have to.)
hypertensively vein-popping binges and screaming tirades of exophthalmic fulmination - hysterical fits of anger, where the veins in your forehead swell outward and your eyes pop out, and suddenly you remember this friendly discussion of God's love is being broadcast on national TV
(back to verse 205)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

superficies - what meets the eye before your brain gets involved, and you can only hope this happens before you take your first bite
signally sapid validation - where the idea that maybe you're not so crazy after all doesn't seem so crazy after all
little exclusionary self-enhancement - cutting out of your life certain people whose presence is destroying you; also the popular sport, in the work-place, of crushing people to make yourself look better)
calculated shunning, even summary disassociation - rejecting something without even giving it a chance (as your boss might do to you if he catches you putting a dead mouse into the middle his lunch)
(back to verse 206)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

sovereignly soft-headed - where you are the king or queen of stupidity (Or maybe it just means your cranial bones never fused and you find it hard to wear the crown of state because it tends to flatten your head. If this ever becomes a problem in real life, as for example the British royal family, perhaps we'll see helium balloons attached to the crown on the sovereign's head at stuffy functions like the official opening of Parliament, and we'll understand that the royal personage is not trying to be funny or irreverent. Rather, one is trying to keep one's head from going flat.)
solemnly sophomoric - where you think your worldly experience is worth its weight in gold, but it really doesn't even weigh as much as the paper it's printed on
sensationally blockheaded perseveration - where you never know when to let it go, or pack it in, or knock it off, or give it up, or get lost, or take a hike, or quit, or stop, or cease, or desist, or refrain, or retire, or withdraw, or retreat, or . . . you get the idea
longsome, sappily snooty snits and snivelling stints of viewily primitive behavioral extemporization - setting a bad example, or if you prefer, setting a good example of how to be a bad example
(back to verse 207)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

redacting this relatively rebarbative rarefication - after an aggravating attempt to improve your literary offering, now you are more earnestly trying to upgrade it, spiritually and intellectually, by unplugging the congealed clots of verbiage that were infecting every line, and also by removing the naughty parts
compendium - a complete list
truncation - what would improve many books, plays, speeches, poems and spieces of music: namely, a little delicate trimming with the proverbial meat ax
wryly euphonious - sounding good to the ear after your infusions of clever humor
rendition of stabbingly sardonic sass - what you say when you talk back to a superior with more venom and disgust than you would ever use if the person could actually hear you
incondite inculcation - where you try to teach an idea through the principle of repetition, repeating it over and over (which would be a good method if you could keep remembering what you said)
(back to verse 208)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

magniloquently modeled but mannerly mantic jeremiad - your polite but pompous lamentation, oddly touched with divine insight since you just came from the funeral of your wife and seven young children who were murdered by a crazed lumberjack who then ate all the ice cream in your refrigerator
pressing suit of precipitously incremental incrimination - your urgent list of complaints against a person, styled so that each item makes him look worse than the previous one
opulent, if oppresively officious, piebald epopee - a big, fancy poem telling people what to do, which they would find highly offensive if they could understand all the big words in it
awfully august, orphic ode of expository dilation - a majestic poem written by someone who must be high on drugs because he thinks he has all the answers to life's deepest questions, such as: Do babies start out knowing more than we do, and by the time they learn how to talk, they've forgotten all of it?
(back to verse 209)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

mealy microsphere - a tiny little area of influence where nothing seems plain or straightforward
so-called "serious" modern music - new classical music which is taken very seriously by its composers and sponsors, but not so much by those who are bribed to play it, and not at all by lovers of real music who were tricked into listening to it
flaccid mettle in the fetters of its festering fettle - it stinks because it is rotting (The best way to keep ugly new music in finest flowering fettle is to bury it in the earth, keep it soaking wet, and see if anything grows out of it.)
mingy, saprogenically self-ensorcelled partisanship - where your ridiculously self-serving support for "the cause" only shows that your brain has become a gelatinous heap of intellectual mush and moral corruption
nice-nelly soul-slaughtering internecine politicization - where people in the office, using all manner of polite political correctness, murder everyone's spirit through their devious manipulations for the advancement of their own jobs
(back to verse 210)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

rightly derisive popular prejudicial assignation to ivory-tower territoriality - where there is general agreement that something could be of interest only to a pack of intellectually petty-minded nit-wits who are completely out of touch with reality (brings to mind that series of free lectures at the University of Edinburgh on The Commercialization of Belly-button Lint during the great 13th-Century Scottish epidemic of Bald-Sheep Disease)
ritual sacralization of hoary hocus-pocus nose-up academic elitism - where professorial propogandists and other ministers of pomp make sacred ritual the old traditions of intellectual intimidation through smoke and mirrors and other show business tricks (it's how they maintain the fearful respect of their students when actual teaching is not one of their options)
ungraciously inegalitarian strutting and stratification - for some teachers, who would be better employed far from contact with other people, the manneristic pretense of lofty disdain as part of their strategy to inspire fear and loathing in their students so they won't ask to many time-consuming questions
(back to verse 211)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

volubly abets its own brand of bottomless bunk - yet another popular methodology for non-teaching in the classroom
rickety, ramshackle racket of gratuitous dissonance - the music of those intellectual misfits who think their compositions are made relevent by being ugly
shoddy - the worksmanship of a slob
ear-slamming sham of clashing slatternly slathers - a deafening hoax of chaotic noise called modern music, perpetrated against innocent concert goers
scandalously enshrining flagitious noise in legitimization - where, by means that happen to smell as fragrant as an unrefrigerated fish market in the desert, you officially advocate a place for bad music in polite society
(back to verse 212)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

countenances collusion in the disreputable business - like when criminals who sneak their way into government, right under our noses, get away with shredding the Constitution, together in ways they couldn't do by themselves
sickly salable - can be easily sold as long as the buyers are out of their minds
insolubly faddish fixation - a hopeless obsession based less on the object than on its popularity
pointless atrocities of analytical pettifoggery - horrible abominations of legalistic carping, cavilling, and quibbling over trifles
crimes of heartless vivisectional anatomization - where intellectual analysis destroys the life in a piece of music, as would performing an autopsy before the subject is dead
(back to verse 213)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

cavil and prate in a positively painful plaint - to whine and complain in the most pathetic manner
rapturous profusion of inappropriate delation - a complete festival of fun through blaming people for things they didn't do
injudiciously loose and jovial gesticulation - wild gestures with your hand that run the risk of accidentally sticking your finger up somebody's nose
jabber, jaw, gibber and rag in prosaic prolongation - saying more than you need to
(back to verse 214)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

grouchily gabble, grumble, gripe, and just plain grumpily grouse - what you do when you are so gobsmacked that you get your nickers in a twist
cavalierly grandstanding in a garbled prodigality of turgid gasconade - doing so much button-busting boasting that you can't keep your story straight or your shirt buttoned
sportive prolixity - where you make a game out of turning terse commentary into tediously long-winded diatribes and rambling harangues of inflated bombast and protracted verbosity (or in other words, you see who can say the least by using the most words)
splurges of patently pyrotechnical peroration - where you throw caution to the wind and put real fireworks into your sportive prolixity (see previous)
(back to verse 215)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

rattle and prattle - to make noises with your vocal apparatus that sound almost like you're trying to say something
beyond the pale - past the limits of decency and sanity, and otherwise outrageously inexcusable
seamless parlance - the way your friends talk when they're not even interrupting themselves to breathe, and you're just waiting for them to turn blue and faint so you can get a word in edgewise
acutely creepy, cryingly curt, churlish and catty, not to mention cruelly cudgeling castigation - the unforgivably nasty things you say to someone, but it's all in the sunny, fun-loving spirit of trying to beat them over the head with a club of words
(back to verse 216)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

putter - to work randomly and without aim, as if you were a member of Congress
drably dabbling in doggerel - the way most of us write poetry (although some of us should try dabbling a bit more drably)
dribbling dim-witted drivel - saying things of limited import in a confused manner suggestive of drooling like a baby
duly suggestive of sybaritic stupor - where it seems like you've been gratifying your bodily appetites to the point where you've lost all your hedonistic sensitivity and nothing looks good to you anymore
implausible preoccupation - a most unlikely consuming interest
a bent for paramnesiac somnambulation - a tendency to walk around in your sleep with no memory of anything you've done, whether it be buying an elephant from an Indian elephant dealer, or putting on clown make-up with permanent magic markers, or mailing a scathing letter to your boss threatening legal action over his affair with your young daughter
(back to verse 217)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

overly gregarious and gagably garrulous - so friendly and talkative that eventually, people want to fit you for a hat made of cement
pop - a sudden, explosive expression of your opinion or feelings
flip-flop and flintily flout - the way politicians suddenly reverse their opinions, showing authoritarian contempt for those who were counting on them for help and support
vibing and gibing by flaunting flotsam - as when the President throws big pies, as it were, of political nonsense into the public's face
unsteady streaks and stammering swaggers of catachrestical intoxication - when you start speaking and get so distracted by the sound of your own voice that you forget what you were saying
(back to verse 218)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

grammatical swamp, a mirthfully murky mire - what's left when you have so much fun writing something badly that the best way to fix it is to burn it
of apocryphal ambages, an uncountable compilation not the least bit parsimonious in predatory pranks and roguish antics of fanatical argumentation - when, as your last resort trying not to get locked up again in that rubber room, you talk in circles and try to confuse everyone with your wacky word games
(back to verse 219)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

deflecting this already digressive divertimento - leading this little poem away from its already wildly rambling course
perplexing garden of gongoristic esoterica - a richly cultivated manner of speaking which makes you sound as if you've been sleeping for 300 years and you've wakened up using language so antiquated that nobody can understand you (a good ploy for getting excused from jury duty)
impracticalities of sesquipedalian jugglery - where you use bigger words than you can handle correctly, but you get away with it because nobody else knows what they mean either
gingerly jest and folly-filled jollification - making a fool of yourself by saying things you don't really mean, but all in good fun (as long as you don't get yourself arrested)
(back to verse 220)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

weirdly wrought waxings of jocular jape - jokes that seem to have been made up in a lunatic asylum
jabbering jumble of jiving tribulation - your attempt to irritate us with babblings so unintelligible that, even if we could hear them, we still wouldn't understand them, and if we could understand them, we would wish we couldn’t hear them
cracked and crooked crucible of pneumatological quackery - the point where your many ignorant references to the supernatural become useful in testing our preference for burning you at the stake or throwing pies in your face
noxious nimiety of scarily scarifying execration - a morally corrupting excess of frighteningly soul-shredding insults
(back to verse 221)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

apparently non compos mentis - seeming to be out of my mind
a bit berserk shying backhanded brickbats of scathing adjudication - going slightly overboard handing out compliments which could easily be understood as hypocritically mean-spirited, judgmental insults
bitterly berating, betimes with a bit of bruising burlesque, our baleful bane of broad-minded barbarization - mocking and otherwise attacking with gusto the intellectual pride with which we keep our minds so open that our brains fall out
(back to verse 222)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

lacking longanimity - this means that your animity isn't long enough, therefore you are impatient
belabor loud loutish language - like when you complain that your pastor seems to be yelling at the top of his lungs and saying things that make no sense, every time you come to church drunk
sluggardly slobberings of logorrheic lobotomization - the unrestrained flow of such nonsensical verbosity that is actually makes your brain shrink just by listening to it
misological bearings born of ideological bricolage - irrational words coming out of your mouth which prove that your personal philosophy is based on whatever feels good at the moment
panning - severely criticizing (not unlike hitting someone over the head with a large frying pan)
sorry scenes of phraseological permutation - the regrettable depths to which people have taken their misuse of the English language
(back to verse 223)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

quibbling in brumal blizzards of bloated blither and blabber - purposely avoiding the main point of an argument by complaining about goofy little side details through a skillfully brewed storm of nonsense (how defense attorneys defend the indefensible)
bollix of squabbles blowing with biting brio - noisy arguments which amount to nothing, but feel like a harsh wind in your face (probably because you are standing nose to nose with the person you're arguing with)
botheration of bluntly blurted blats and bleats of bilious blue burble - angry profanities and other abusive expressions that drunks who get scrappy, as opposed to the ones who get sappy or happy, enjoy yelling at the judge as they are being carried out of the courtroom
beligerant blarney brimming with the unblenching exaltation - congratulating yourself in a way that makes people want to pound vigorously upon your head and torso
(back to verse 224)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

befittingly unbottled caboodle of Byzantine baloney - each new edition of the Congressional Record
boringly barren babble - drearily drooling drivel
tarnishing tyrannization of bumptious bobberies - that crushing feeling when you get engulfed in other people's private uproars (like when you witness a murder and the Mafia is out to get you, or you walk past a private pie fight, you accidentally get hit, and the pie is your favorite flavor so you join in hoping for more)
barefaced bonhomous bosh - the good-natured foolishness you are willing to speak without wearing a paper bag over your head
unblushing bluffs of Bunyanesque prevarication - your unembarrassed telling of whoppers and tall tales so huge that they rival the ones told in the annals of American folklore about Paul Bunyan and Babe, his blue ox
(back to verse 225)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

batrachian Beelzebub - an agent of the devil who looks like an angry toad (like the judge who sentenced you to 600 years in prison just for blowing up an orphanage full of babies and little children)
bellow and blast point blank at the blistering blitz of blatant bilge, in vibrant verbalization - to yell, right into someone's face, a pointed barage full of colorful language
bristling and bridling - feeling mad enough to burst into flames by spontaneous combustion
bray and bark at the burly brabble in lancinating barbs banking on bathetic exploitation - yell and carry on against noisy chatter, thereby creating more noisy chatter, filling it with cutting remarks to manipulate people's feelings
(back to verse 226)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

broadly and blaringly bemoaning all the badly bodacious bodement of our booze-besoden bedazzled bamboozlement - loudly (probably with a bullhorn) broadcasting your grief over the awful things that will happen if we don’t stop drugging ourselves into a fun but morally confused fascination with naughty things
morose and mawkishly maudlin moans and groans - mourning so pathetically and so loudly that it makes others want to cry - but not in sympathy
elegiac threnodies of baroque lamentation - sorrowful songs and flamboyant wailing (how you react when your child goes off to his first day at school)
(back to verse 227)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

gnash, bash and rashly lash - really let 'em have it
long-running rehash - what you yell over and over again back to the police while they're chasing you
obbligato of boisterously blasphemous incantation - as if part of a magic ritual chant, the never-ending stream of tumultuous profanity designed to destroy the spiritual sensitivities of young people as they prepare to save the world from the mess their parents have made of it
lambasting the bludgeoning barrage of blackguardly blatherskite - attacking the vigorous outpouring of morally abusive claptrap that feels like it's beating our brains into mush
(back to verse 228)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

deem - to judge
astigmatic want - where you need something right now because you were too short-sighted to have provided it for yourself ahead of time (for example, teenagers not being able to buy their own cars because when they were babies they never thought about saving their money)
low degree of impugnable insufficiency - a minor short-coming, but it's still your fault
correctly condign Comstockery - strict moralistic censorship where it's needed
bows to benignantly butyraceous bowdlerization - regarding books, magazines, plays, musicals, movies, and spoken language, in a sneaky manner so as not to get yourself shot, beaten up, or run out of town, and with only the best of intentions, you take out all the vulgar parts, especially when there's nothing left
(back to verse 229)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

fustily fuliginous - so old that it's covered with soot and smoke (a good way to guess how old our friends are)
bulging with blackish broodings - full of gloom, doom and despair
vade mecum - Latin for "handy dandy ready-reference book"
as it were - King's English for "in a manner of speaking" (though not so much in days of yore when the King of England only spoke German)
captious contrivance - some action you have carefully planned out as a fun way to make people angry (like slurping your soup, or invading a country)
dunderheaded doings of daringly devious derivation - really dumb things you do just to be different
(back to verse 230)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

slightly obscure entanglement of feloniously elliptical, spikey, briery blandishments - where you make it hard for people to see that they're playing right into your sneaky campaign to change their minds, and thereby making themselves accessories to a crime
big bulking bogey - something imaginary that frightens you, like a gigantic eyeball sitting on your front lawn, looking at your house and blinking
boneheaded boondoggle - what congress is creating at any given time
albeit - highfalutin for "although"
artfully anfractuous articulation - your words which make no sense but sound so complex and beautiful that we don't want to admit how confused they make us
(back to verse 231)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

us lumpen pilgrims - you and me trying to find our way home from work
groggily groping like country bumpkins lost in the Land of the Philistines - how the executive boards of ballet companies, symphony orchestras, and art museums function in their little worlds of artless and brainless materialism
agreeably gruntle any grain of greed - happily satisfy your most minute, rapaciously covetous desire for more stuff (what Santa Claus will do if you stay off his naughty list)
vanquishing any vestigial need for expiation - getting rid of any left-over desires to make up for what you did
(back to verse 232)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

educe the frangible augury - bring to our attention a faint hint of what's going to happen, so that when it does, we don't run around screaming and shouting
burgeoning edulcoration - an ever increasing influence that gradually softens the effect of things (like perfumed and vitamin-fortified diesel exhaust, cars, trucks, and streets all made of soft rubber, a federal law requiring that everyone say "please" and "thank you" even during bank robberies and Mafia hits
auspicious aspect for the prospective amplification of its anesthetization - a basis for hoping that something might eventually make us less conscious of what's really happening
attenuation - reducing the problem
(back to verse 233)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

pageant of sacerdotal protreptics - the big production you make out of dispensing knowledge as if you were the only one who knows anything
aphotic helotry to nomothetic haruspicy - the intellectual darkness of using methods of discovery that are on a par with ancient Roman predictions which were based on inspections of fresh animal guts
polymorphously hopping hobgoblins - disturbing reminders of things you'd rather forget, which keep keep showing up in different forms
prescriptive nagging - constantly being told "Do it this way because that's how we've always done it"
practices of gorgonizing classroom regimentation - standard teaching methods that make everyone, including teachers, forget how to think for themselves
(back to verse 234)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

grifters - thieves, embezzlers, corporate CEO's, failed assassins, and government officials who receive pay for services not rendered
Hunnish gerents - bosses who try to run the office like Attila the Hun (who was, despite the opinions of all the people he slaughtered, basically a good boy according to his mother)
forlorn servitude - the misery of being somebody's slave, or of having to pay taxes
responsive sequacity - answering with total submissiveness
resultant ruffles of real resentment riding on ripples of breezily insolent, scoffing subvocalization - the nasty comments of indignation you mutter under your breath
(back to verse 235)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

yet paint a funereal pall - continue to take all the fun out of everything
approaching horizons where still haunt the undead antediluvian incubi - where things that seem to be just beyond your experience continue to give you the heebie-jeebies because they're getting closer, which might explain all the time you spend in a fetal position under the kitchen sink
despicably proscriptive tyrants and murdering despots - those who exceed the boundaries of what is polite in bossing other people around (like Hitler or Stalin or your mother-in-law)
indefeasibly repressive, deathly domination - where they beat you down and remove your brain
(back to verse 236)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

routinely rewarded psychopathic martinets - your usual run-of-the-mill, heartless and mindlessly unimaginative functionaries who make your life miserable as they hide behind strict adherence to the rules, for which they are the ones who rise to the top of the organization until they can be booted out by the next, younger version of themselves
autistically avaricious avatars of their own repugnant delusion - people who have become personal embodiments, the pathetic living results, of their own offensive ideas
green-eyed grisly guardians of graft - greedy protectors of corruption who are always trying to grab a bigger piece of the action for themselves, at the expense of others
ministerial purveyors of ersatz education - teachers who think they are qualified to teach simply because they went to college and got a degree, and then had many years of experience teaching without getting beaten up or shot despite the way they taught
(back to verse 237)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

knavishly insulted by precocious young talent - how some teachers feel when they find a student who is more gifted than they are
mysteriously nimble gift of inchoate genius - exceptional mental capacity that grows faster than anyone could have predicted
disclamation - something that serves to renounce, reject, deny or disavow
paranoically proffer, in lieu of their dutifully solicitous care and cultivation - where they give, as if they are worried about how much harm it might cause them, instead of the expected attitude of love and service
(back to verse 238)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Brobdingnagian armamentarium of Machiavellian supression - all the cunning and opportunistic use of billy clubs, knives, pistols, machine guns, bazookas, cannons, tanks, fighter jets, bombers, submarines, battle ships and aircraft carriers you might need in order to keep your friends under control
endearing commendation - kind words of support that generate love and loyalty
furtive abuse by means of procrustean bureaucracy - the inhumane things you secretly do to others by resorting to the convenient power of official authority and fixed rules
slinky snobby snubbery - where, instead of accepting, with gracious humility, what you think is your superiority over someone else, you quietly ignore them (not to be confused with slinky snotty shrubbery which is what's left when you quietly blow your nose into the bushes)
sneering stultification - smiling at someone so scornfully that they begin to feel they might do more for humanity by jumping off a cliff
(back to verse 239)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

coyly executed - done without worrying about it because you're sure nobody will know it was you until it's too late
gamily guiltless guise - an unwholsomely misleading appearance of human decency
Brahmanic poise - when your serenity can't be disturbed or ruffled because you are so crème de la crème, so beau monde, so elite, so intelligently refined, and so offensively snobbish
sniffy sanctimonious unction - where, in haughty disdain, you think you're the cat's pajamas looking all holy and full of righteous concern for others
smiling, smarmy visage of demonically cold-blooded burking - the happy face you attach to the horrible deeds by which you get rid of someone
agile authoritarian strangulation - where someone skillfully uses their ill-gotten authority to squeeze the life out of you
(back to verse 240)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

cankerous contribution to the horrible heft of history's stomping hobnail jackboots - soul-rotting participation in the atrocities of history against the innocent peace-loving masses of humanity (not excluding stepping a little too hard on people's faces with your spiked golf shoes)
ad hominem assault - where instead of arguing against a person's ideas, you call him names, or impugn the reputation of his parents, perhaps implying that he had none
war of attrition waged in deep dank dungeons of dispiteous deprecation - the process by which the cruel ways of the world cause good people to feel worthless and give up



PAGE 6
Verses 241 - 296
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