Abbott and Costello:
Mac?

[author and source unknown]


Abbot: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

Abbot: Mac?

Costello: No, the names Lou.

Abbot: Your computer?

Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

Abbot: Mac?

Costello: I told you, my names Lou.

Abbot: What about Windows?

Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Abbot: Do you want a computer with windows?

Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

Abbot: Wallpaper.

Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

Abbot: Software for windows?

Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

Abbot: Office.

Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

Abbot: I just did.

Costello: You just did what?

Abbot: Recommend something.

Costello: You recommended something?

Abbot: Yes.

Costello: For my office?

Abbot: Yes.

Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

Abbot: Office.

Costello: Yes, for my office!

Abbot: I recommend office with windows.

Costello: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

Abbot: Word.

Costello: What word?

Abbot: Word in Office.

Costello: The only word in office is office.

Abbot: The Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: Which word in office for windows?

Abbot: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."

Costello: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

Abbot: Yes, you want Real One.

Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

Abbot: Real One.

Costello: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2,3&4. Can I watch them?

Abbot: Of course.

Costello: Great, with what?

Abbot: Real One.

Costello: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

Abbot: You click the blue "1."

Costello: I click the blue one what?

Abbot: The blue "1."

Costello: Is that different from the blue w?

Abbot: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.

Costello: What word?

Abbot: The Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows"!

Abbot: No, just one. but its the most popular Word in the world.

Costello: It is?

Abbot: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

Costello: And that word is real one?

Abbot: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

Costello: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with?

Abbot: Money.

Costello: That's right. What do you have?

Abbot: Money.

Costello: I need money to track my money?

Abbot: It comes bundled with your computer.

Costello: What's bundled to my computer?

Abbot: Money.

Costello: Money comes with my computer?

Abbot: Yes. No extra charge.

Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

Abbot: One copy.

Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

Abbot: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?

Abbot: Why not; they own it.

Costello: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

Abbot: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.

Costello: Well, what do you sell in its place?

Abbot: Money.

Costello: You sell money?

Abbot: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.

Costello: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?

Abbot: Simply Accounting.

Costello: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

Abbot: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.

Costello: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

Abbot: Mind Your Own Business.

Costello: I beg your pardon?

Abbot: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.

Costello: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know-- accounting? You do it with money.

Abbot: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.

Costello: More money?

Abbot: More than Money. Money can't do everything.

Costello: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might ... what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

Abbot: GoBack.

Costello: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

Abbot: GoBack.

Costello: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

Abbot: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.

Costello: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?

Abbot: Word.

Costello: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

Abbot: No, you only need one Word - the Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: But there's three words in ... Oh, never mind.

Abbot: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.


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