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Windows? Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer. Abbot: Mac? Costello: No, the names Lou. Abbot: Your computer? Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. Abbot: Mac? Costello: I told you, my names Lou. Abbot: What about Windows? Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? Abbot: Do you want a computer with Windows? Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows? Abbot: Wallpaper. Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. Abbot: Software for Windows? Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got? Abbot: Office. Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? Abbot: I just did. Costello: You just did what? Abbot: Recommend something. Costello: You recommended something? Abbot: Yes. Costello: For my office? Abbot: Yes. Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office? Abbot: Office. Costello: Yes, for my office! Abbot: I recommend Office for Windows. Costello: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? Abbot: Word. Costello: What word? Abbot: Word in Office. Costello: The only word in office is office. Abbot: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: Which word in office for windows? Abbot: The Word you get when you click the blue "W." Costello: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? Abbot: Yes, you want Real One. Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! Abbot: Real One. Costello: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them? Abbot: Of course. Costello: Great, with what? Abbot: Real One. Costello: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? Abbot: You click the blue "1." Costello: I click the blue one what? Abbot: The blue "1." Costello: Is that different from the blue w? Abbot: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word. Costello: What word? Abbot: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows"! Abbot: No, just one. But its the most popular Word in the world. Costello: It is? Abbot: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. Costello: And that word is real one? Abbot: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office. Costello: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with? Abbot: Money. Costello: That's right. What do you have? Abbot: Money. Costello: I need money to track my money? Abbot: It comes bundled with your computer. Costello: What's bundled to my computer? Abbot: Money. Costello: Money comes with my computer? Abbot: Yes. No extra charge. Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? Abbot: One copy. Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money? Abbot: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money. Costello: They can give you a license to copy money? Abbot: Why not; they own it. Costello: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money? Abbot: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. Costello: Well, what do you sell in its place? Abbot: Money. Costello: You sell money? Abbot: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free. Costello: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting? Abbot: Simply Accounting. Costello: Probably, but it might get a little complicated. Abbot: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. Costello: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for? Abbot: Mind Your Own Business. Costello: I beg your pardon? Abbot: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B. Costello: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know, accounting? You do it with money. Abbot: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more. Costello: More money? Abbot: More than Money. Money can't do everything. Costello: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might ... what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data? Abbot: GoBack. Costello: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend? Abbot: GoBack. Costello: How many times do I have to repeat myself? Abbot: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack. Costello: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? Abbot: Word. Costello: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal. Abbot: No, you only need one Word - the Word in Office for Windows. Costello: But there's three words in ... Oh, never mind. Abbot: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. [author and source unknown] Home / Humor and Whimsy |