Abbott and Costello:
Windows?



Abbot:
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello:
Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbot:
Mac?
Costello:
No, the names Lou.
Abbot:
Your computer?
Costello:
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbot:
Mac?
Costello:
I told you, my names Lou.
Abbot:
What about Windows?
Costello:
Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbot:
Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello:
I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
Abbot:
Wallpaper.
Costello:
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbot:
Software for Windows?
Costello:
No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
Abbot:
Office.
Costello:
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbot:
I just did.
Costello:
You just did what?
Abbot:
Recommend something.
Costello:
You recommended something?
Abbot:
Yes.
Costello:
For my office?
Abbot:
Yes.
Costello:
OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbot:
Office.
Costello:
Yes, for my office!
Abbot:
I recommend Office for Windows.
Costello:
I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbot:
Word.
Costello:
What word?
Abbot:
Word in Office.
Costello:
The only word in office is office.
Abbot:
The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello:
Which word in office for windows?
Abbot:
The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
Costello:
I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
Abbot:
Yes, you want Real One.
Costello:
Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
Abbot:
Real One.
Costello:
If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
Abbot:
Of course.
Costello:
Great, with what?
Abbot:
Real One.
Costello:
OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
Abbot:
You click the blue "1."
Costello:
I click the blue one what?
Abbot:
The blue "1."
Costello:
Is that different from the blue w?
Abbot:
The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.
Costello:
What word?
Abbot:
The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello:
But there's three words in "office for windows"!
Abbot:
No, just one. But its the most popular Word in the world.
Costello:
It is?
Abbot:
Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
Costello:
And that word is real one?
Abbot:
Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
Costello:
Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with?
Abbot:
Money.
Costello:
That's right. What do you have?
Abbot:
Money.
Costello:
I need money to track my money?
Abbot:
It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello:
What's bundled to my computer?
Abbot:
Money.
Costello:
Money comes with my computer?
Abbot:
Yes. No extra charge.
Costello:
I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbot:
One copy.
Costello:
Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbot:
Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
Costello:
They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbot:
Why not; they own it.
Costello:
Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
Abbot:
Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
Costello:
Well, what do you sell in its place?
Abbot:
Money.
Costello:
You sell money?
Abbot:
Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
Costello:
That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
Abbot:
Simply Accounting.
Costello:
Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
Abbot:
If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
Costello:
M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
Abbot:
Mind Your Own Business.
Costello:
I beg your pardon?
Abbot:
No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
Costello:
Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know, accounting? You do it with money.
Abbot:
Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
Costello:
More money?
Abbot:
More than Money. Money can't do everything.
Costello:
I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might ... what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
Abbot:
GoBack.
Costello:
Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
Abbot:
GoBack.
Costello:
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
Abbot:
I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
Costello:
How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
Abbot:
Word.
Costello:
But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
Abbot:
No, you only need one Word - the Word in Office for Windows.
Costello:
But there's three words in ... Oh, never mind.
Abbot:
Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.

[author and source unknown]

Home / Humor and Whimsey