by Flight Crews
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"As we prepare for takeoff,
please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright
in their most uncomfortable position."
and in the event of an emergency water landing,
please take them with our compliments."
if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew
and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be
asked to leave the plane immediately."
it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing.
We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining.
Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,
so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off.
Feel free to move about as you wish,
but please stay inside the plane till we land.
It's a bit cold outside,
and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area.
Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children
or adults acting like children."
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.
It works just like every other seat belt,
and if you don't know how to operate one,
you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting him or her.
If you are traveling with two small children,
decide now which one you love more."
with some broken clouds,
but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."
please make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind
will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
"We ask you to please remain seated
as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
coming to a stop at Washington National,
a lone voice was heard over the intercom:
"Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"
the Flight Attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen,
please remain in your seats until
Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft
to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared
and the warning bells are silenced,
we'll open the door and you can
pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube,
we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
We hope you enjoyed giving us the business
as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
nobody loves you,
or your money,
more than Southwest Airlines."
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