Actual Funny English Signs Abroad
[source unknown]

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons,
each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected
to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery
where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers
are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors
in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit.
Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here
and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -
we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today: no ice cream.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR,
you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals.
If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common,
but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates:
If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking.
Here speeching American.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage
of the chambermaid.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make;
limpid red beet soup
with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site
that people of different sex,
for instance, men and women,
live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

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