Actual Newspaper Headlines
[source unknown]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks


Stud Tires Out


Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again


Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant


Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly


Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84


Deer Kill 17,000


Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy


British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply


Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing


Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing


Air Head Fired


Steals Clock, Faces Time


Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff


Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board


Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training


Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft


Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire


Autos Killing 110 a Day - Let's Resolve to Do Better


Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood


British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands


Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday


Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead


Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures


Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing


Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon


Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case


Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide


Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax


Eye Drops Off Shelf


Farmer Bill Dies In House


Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While


Include your Children When Baking Cookies


Iraqi Head Seeks Arms


Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years


Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees


Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests


Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half


Women Make Nutritious Snacks


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge


Milk Drinkers Are Turning to Powder


Miners Refuse to Work After Death


New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group


New Vaccine May Contain Rabies


Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni


Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over


Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told


Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers


Prostitutes Appeal to Pope


Quarter of a million Chinese Live on Water


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge


Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted


Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66


Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency


Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction


Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says


Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim


Stolen Painting Found By Tree


Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents


Teacher Strikes Idle Kids


Two Convicts Evade Noose; Jury Hung


Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter


Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


War Dims Hope For Peace


William Kelly Was Fed Secretary


Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan


Never withhold herpes from loved one


Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years


Man is fatally slain


Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half


Infertility Unlikely to be Passed On


Lack of Brains Hinders Research


How to Combat That Feeling of Helplessness With Illegal Drugs


Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find


Falling Limb Injures Man at Golf Championship


Suspect: Bombs Not Meant to Harm


NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach


Boy Who Drowned Couldn't Swim


Cemetery Faces Grave Problems Over Space


Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold as Pet Fish


Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly


Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden


Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years


Man Tries Armed Robbery with Knife in Gun Store


Plot to Kill Officer Had Vicious Side


Navy Changes Skirt Policy, Making Apparel Optional


Dead Officer on Force for 18 Years


Headless Body Found in Topless Bar


Lucky Man Sees Pals Die


Passengers Hit by canceled Trains


Lucky Victim Stabbed Three Times


Supreme Court Rules that Murderers shall not be Electrocuted Twice for the Same Crime


Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing


Police Found Safe Under Blanket


Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water


Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped


Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over


NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach


Dr. Ruth to Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors


Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax


Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One


Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy


New Housing for Elderly Not Yet Dead


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