Actual Things Put Into Resumés

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters
and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0.

It's best for employers that I not work with people.

You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

Personal interests:
Donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far.

Note: Please dont misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

Marital status: often.
Children: various.

Reason for leaving last job:
They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

References: None.
I've left a path of destruction behind me.

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