Actual Things Put Into Resumés

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters
and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.


I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0.


It's best for employers that I not work with people.


You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.


Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.


I was working for my mom until she decided to move.


I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.


My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.


Personal interests:
Donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far.


Note: Please dont misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.


Marital status: often.
Children: various.


Reason for leaving last job:
They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.


The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.


References: None.
I've left a path of destruction behind me.


Home / Humor