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World Ideologies Explained by Reference to Cows 
FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. 
SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most ability and who has the most need. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both cows, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cow.
CAPITALISM You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
PURE ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors will try to take the cows and kill you.
SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. Home / Humor and Whimsy |