He could lead if he would get the lead out. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. The dove dove into the bushes. I object to the object. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. The bandage was wound around the wound. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of injections my jaw got number. Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear. He got testy when I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Isn't it strange that ruly, ert, ept, ane, sipid, and mune do not exist in English, whereas their negatives unruly, inert, inane, insipid, and immune do? And, furthermore, have you ever seen a horseful carriage, or a strapful gown, or met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who actually are spring chickens or who actually would hurt a fly? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked dry cleaners depressed and club members dismembered? Why are there neither pine nor apple in pineapple; neither mush nor room in mushroom; no peas in peanut; no grape in grapefruit; no butter in buttermilk; no egg in eggplant; no bread in shortbread; no ham in hamburger? Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? How can a person be "pretty ugly?" How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? If we say a jester jests, why do we say a pest pesters? How can your house burn up as it burns down? If you freeze orange juice it becomes frozen, so why when you squeeze an orange doesn't it become squozen? Why is it that when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Is it really possible to have a civil war? Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is whack? If horrific means horrible, why doesn't terrific mean terrible? Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? If careless means without care, why doesn't wreckless mean without wreck? If the past tense of write is wrote, why isn't the past tense of bite bote? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? If it's one goose, two geese, why not one moose, two meese? If it's one mouse, two mice, why not one house, two hice, and one spouse, two spice? If teachers have taught, why haven't preachers praught? If the singular of geese is goose, shouldn't a single Portuguese person be called a Portugoose? If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
English muffins do not come from England, nor do French fries come from France. The English Horn is neither a horn, nor is it from England. The guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly. Boxing rings are square. We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park on driveways and drive on parkways. We lift a thumb to thumb a lift. We table a plan in order to plan a table. We recite at plays and play at recitals. You fill in a form by filling it out. An alarm clock goes off by going on. The human race isn't a race at all. A wise man and a wise guy are in every wise not the same thing. To buckle means to fasten together, but also to fall apart. Downhill means it's getting easier, but can also mean it's getting worse. An engagement is a loving tie, or a military battle. To temper means to harden (steel, for example), but also to soften (e.g., justice with mercy). Price and worth mean the same thing, but priceless and worthless are opposites. Slim chance and fat chance mean the same thing, as do quite a lot and quite a few.. Overlook and oversee mean opposite things. When I wind up my watch, it starts, but when I wind up a project, it stops. Sharp and blunt speech are the same thing. "Crazy man" is an insult, but if you insert a comma and say "crazy, man!" that's a compliment. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. The verb cleave is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate. It pcertainly pseems psomewhat psilly that psychic starts with a p. Home / Humor and Whimsy |