The Lukewarm Church announces publication of
"New Church Songs."

We chose this title because
we didn't want to turn anybody off with
threatening words that no one
understands anymore like

"worship" or "hymn."

People in today's society get uncomfortable
with too much talk about things like

commitment and dedication.

They'd much rather have a religion
that they can turn on or off at will.
Our book seeks to meet that need.

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Sample contents:

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A Comfy Mattress Is Our God

Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee

Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound

Be Thou My Hobby

O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past

Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style

He's Quite a Bit to Me

Oh, How I Like Jesus

I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus

Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me

I'm Pretty Sure That My Redeemer Lives

Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come

Special, Special, Special

Hang Out With Me, It's Getting Dark Outside

There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today

What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus

When the Saints Go Sneaking In

Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following