These are from test papers and essays submitted by kids:
Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breathe, you inspire.
When you do not breathe, you expire.
H20 is hot water,
and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur,
hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an odourless gas,
it is probably carbon monoxide.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland
because it is not found in a free state.
Three kinds of blood vessels are
arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
The moon is a planet just like the earth,
only it is even deader.
What you give a person when they are going away.
A body of earth surrounded by sky.
a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
climb on top of the person and move up and down
to make Artificial Perspiration.
Rub the person's chest or,
if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days.
If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration
until the patient is dead.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose
until it drops in your throat.
A permanent set of teeth consists of
eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars,and eight cuspidors.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote
the organ of the species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity
by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to
because it made man think.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
Parallel lines never meet,
unless you bend one or both of them.
Algebraical symbols are used
when you do not know what you are talking about.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who
mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk
with a bull with good meat.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain
and soil his corpse.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called
an obscene triangle.
A person should take a bath once in the summer,
and not quite so often in the winter.
It is a well-known fact that
a deceased body harms the mind.
to see if the limb is broken,
wiggle it gently back and forth.
apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
down one leg and up the other.
The pistol of a flower is
its only protections against insects.
The alimentary canal is located
in the northern part of Indiana.
Dew is formed on leaves when
the sun shines down on them
and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places,
so they look like umbrellas.
A fossil is an extinct animal.
The older it is,
the more extinct it is.
To become a naturalized German.
A large, empty space
where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion,
find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye,
pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed:
Put the nose much lower then the body
until the heart stops.
To prevent contraception:
wear a condominium.
To keep milk from turning sour:
Keep it in the cow.
The skeleton is what is left
after the insides have been taken out
and the outsides have been taken off.
The purpose of the skeleton is
something to attach meat to.
The body consists of three parts:
the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
The brainium contains the brain,
the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowls,
of which there are five:
a, e, i, o, and u.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon.
All water tends towards the moon,
because there is no water in the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum.
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