Things I've Learned From My Children
[author and source unknown]

1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-square-foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year- old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

11. "Play Dough" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super Glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

14. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches.

15. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when you are driving.

16. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

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