Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

Sometimes the spelling, grammar, arrangement
or typing of words in church bulletins produces
some unintended readings.

The associate minister unveiled the church's
new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday,
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

This afternoon there will be a meeting
in the south and north ends of this church.
Children will be baptized
at both ends.

Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting
of the Little Mothers Club.
All wishing to become little mothers
will please meet the pastor in the study.

The outreach committee has enlisted
25 visitors to make calls
on people who are not afflicted with any church.

This being Easter Sunday,
we will ask Mrs. Brown to come forward
and lay an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off
clothing of every kind
and they can be seen in the church basement
on Friday afternoon.

At the evening service tonight,
the sermon topic will be
"What is Hell?"
Come early and listen
to our choir practice.

Twenty-two members
were present at the church meeting
held at the home of
Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening.
Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Ranin
sang a duet,
"The Lord Knows Why."

The Diet Club will meet
Thursday night at 7:30 p. m.
Please use the large double door
at the side entrance.

Our annual church picnic
will be held Saturday afternoon.
If it rains,
it will be held in the morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated
until the end of the recession.

A cookbook is being compiled
by the ladies of the church.
Please submit your favorite recipe,
also a short antidote for it.

The low Self-Esteem Support Group
will meet Thursday, 7 to 8:30 p.m.
Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Women's Group sale of unwanted items.
Please bring your husbands.

Would the congregation kindly remember
that the box marked 'For the Sick'
is for financial contributions only.

The vicar is on holiday until the 27th.
Local clergy will be celebrating
on the Sundays when he is away.

Mr. Bradford was elected
and has accepted the office of head deacon.
We could not get a better man.

Are you 45 and getting nowhere?
Why not consider the Christian ministry?

Services are at 11:00 and 6:30.
Come early if you want a back seat.

A new loudspeaker system
has been installed in the church.
It was given by one of our members
in honor of his wife.

Visitors are asked to sing their names
at the church entrance.

The maintenance of the church graveyard
is becoming increasingly costly.
It would be a great help
if parishioners would do their best
to tend their own graves.

The Ladies Society will be selling
their new cookbook
at the church supper this Wednesday night.
The proceeds will help purchase
a stomach pump for our community hospital.

Don't let worry kill you -
let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper.
Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our church and community.

The rosebud on the altar this morning
is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer,
the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

Next Sunday
a special collection will be taken
to defray the cost of the new carpet.
All those wishing
to do something on the new carpet
will come forward and do so.

A bean supper will be held
on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

Eight new choir robes
are currently needed,
due to the addition
of several new members
and to the deterioration
of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles,
and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used
to cripple children.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held
Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch
in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.

The sermon this morning:
"Gossip - the Speaking of Evil."
The closing song:
"I Love to Tell the Story."

The sermon this morning:
"Contemporary Issues #3 - Euthanasia."
The closing song: "Take My Life."

The sermon this morning:
"Predestination - What About Hell?"
The closing song:
"I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go."

The preacher will preach
his farewell message
after which the choir will sing,
"Break Forth With Joy".

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly,
much to the delight of his audience.

The Church is glad to have with us today
as our guest minister
the Rev. Shirley Green
who has Mrs. Green with him.
After the service we request
that all remain in the sanctuary
for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be
presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet"
in the church basement on Friday at 7 p. m.
The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist
for the morning service.
The Pastor will then speak on,
"It's a Terrible Experience."

Due to the Rector's illness,
Wednesday's healing services will be
discontinued until further notice.

The concert held in the Fellowship Hall
was a great success.
Special thanks are due
to the Minister's daughter
who labored the whole evening
at the piano, which as usual
fell upon her.

Today's Sermon:
"How much can a man drink?"
with hymns from a full choir.

Irving Benson and Jessie Cort
were married October 14 in the Church.
So ends a friendship that began in school days.

Bilingual Chicken Dinner this Sunday at Noon.

Sunday worship will begin
with personal medication.

This evening at 7:00 p.m.
there will be a hymn sing
in the park across from the church.
Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance
will be sung without
musical accomplishment.

Miss Charlene Mason sang,
"I Will Not Pass This Way Again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

The peace-making meeting scheduled for today
has been canceled
due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning:
"Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts
for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

Barbara C. remains in the hospital
and needs blood donors
for more transfusions.
She is also having trouble sleeping
and requests tapes
of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Over 60's Choir
will be disbanded for the summer
with the thanks of the entire church.

Announcement in a church bulletin
for a National Prayer Fasting Conference:
"The cost for attending
the Fasting Prayer conference
includes meals."

A missionary named Bertha Belch,
from Africa,
was to speak
at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine:
"Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch
all the way from Africa."

[source unknown]
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