Actual Funny Signs in England

In a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines.
Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a London department store:
Bargain Basement Upstairs

In an office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot
and stand upside down on the draining board.

On a church door:
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc.
Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

Quicksand warning:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned.
By order of the District Council.

Notice in a dry-cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days
will be disposed of.

In a health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it,
there is a day care on the first floor.

Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free,
but the bull charges.

On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything.
(Please knock hard on the door -
the bell doesn't work)

[source unknown]
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