Immoderate Musings;
Quibblesome Quarrels;
Risible Rhapsodies on
Music and Morals

by
David Van Alstyne



PAGE 5
Verses 197 - 240


Verses:
200 / 210 / 220 / 230
GLOSSARY
PAGE 1 / PAGE 2 / PAGE 3 / PAGE 4 / PAGE 6



But no. With
197) agonal attempts to allay any manneristic
airs of agonistic atticism
, as well as
foregoing shots at oracular calumniation while
ardently avoiding rococo ornamentation,
and
198) avidly averting any pejorative appellation, or the
acrid flood, the tempestuous tide, the full fluviatile
amplitude of self-disgust and disinclination
,
including bodily mortifying self-flagellation
which would
199) ineludibly inhere to anxieties of inadequacy in
unceasing circumspection and self-exploration
, (for
socialization, wouldn't that be a sad succedaneum
,
not easily identified by modest minimization
of
200) impercipiently flibbertigibbety, hammily niminy-piminy, yea,
disproportionately, purblindly prideful and prismatic, or at
least orgulously orotund, inordinately overblown, even
farcically vain and vacuously courtly coruscation?),
while neither
201) pusillanimously pussyfooting into extra-large loblollies of
unscholarly squiggling
and agnostic subjectivization, nor
pratfalling into potholes or paratactical mudpuddles of
unsalvagability in encumbering equivocation
,
nor
202) plowing into philological pits of piddling piffle all
antsy and atwitter with omnidirectional fecundation, nor being
pitched, head first, by demotic imprecision, into
parlous, polysemous turgidities of tergiversation
,
nor
203) railing off the rails in an unruly romp, an
unsparing, rip-roaring rumble, a rollicking rampage toward a
froward free-for-all, a brawl of free-form fisticuffs, or
any other liminal spat or splanchnic altercation
to be
204) found boiling over in a mercurially hyperkinetic
bash of a nanocerebrally effectuated saturnalia, an
unregulated, hypertensively vein-popping bacchanalia with
mad screaming tirades of exophthalmic fulmination
,
I
205) seek the rather saner superficies of irenic asylum in the
delectable holy grail, the signally sapid validation of a
little kindly-aimed people-dismissing self-enhancement, namely
calculated shunning and sundering dissociation
from
206) such a sovereignly soft-headed, solemnly sophomoric and,
sad to say, sensationally blockheaded perseveration in
longsome, sappily snooty snits and snivelling stints of
primitive hissy fits and behavioral extemporization

by
207) redacting this relatively rebarbative rarefication; this
compendium which obviously has no need for any truncation; this
unhurried, wryly euphonious, oversized realization of
stabbingly sardonic sass
and incondite inculcation;
this
208) model of a magniloquent but mannerly mantic jeremiad; this
pressing suit of precipitously incremental incrimination; this
opulent, if oppresively officious, mongrelized epopee; this
awfully august, orphic ode of expository dilation
upon the
209) mealy microsphere of serious modern so-called music and its
flaccid mettle, considering all the fetters of its festering fettle, in
mingy, saprogenically self-ensorcelled petty partisanship and
nice-nelly soul-slaughtering internecine intoleration
(and its
210) derisive and adversely prejudicial assignation to
ivory-tower patronage and huffy hocus-pocus, in short,
academic fraud through ritual sacralization by
ungraciously inegalitarian strutting and stratification

as it
211) volubly aids and abets its own brand of bottomless bunk, a
rickety ramshackle racket sunk with gratuitous dissonance in an
ear-slamming sham of smashing and clashing slatternly slathers,
enshrining flagitious noise in mock legitimization
as it
212) countenances collusion in the ghoulish undertaking of an
enfeeblingly faddish fettish and toxic fixation on
pointless atrocities of analytical pettifoging in
musical crimes of vivisectional anatomization.



So if I
213) cavil and prate in a painful complaint, in a
rapturous confusion of prosaic prolongation as I
rag, rap, and rip, gibber and jaw 'til my tongue is raw, or if with
breathless mime and injudiciously jovial gesticulation
I seem to
214) gruffly gabble, grumble, gripe, and just plain grumpily grouse,
cavalierly grandstanding in a garbled prodigality of
turgid gasconade
and ineptly sportive prolixity wrapped in
spunky splurges of pointedly pyrotechnical peroration,
or if
215) gone bananas, I rattle and prattle, accidentally pushing the battle
bizarrely far beyond the pale in censurably vulgar communication of
acutely creepy, cryingly curt, clodhoppingly churlish and catty,
not to mention cruelly cudgeling, collateral castigation
,
or if I
216) stoop to mutter, putter and splutter, drably dabbling in doggerel,
drooling and dribbling drafts of dim-witted drivel duly indicative of
obfuscatory sybaritic stupor
, implausible preoccupation, and a
circus side-show bent for paramnesiac somnambulation,
or if,
217) intemporately gregarious and gagably garrulous, I
flip-flop, fake and fudge, fizzle, and flintily flout
vibing and gibing by shrewdly flaunting flotsam in
stammering swaggers of catachrestical intoxication
making a
218) grammatical swamp, a mirthfully murky mire (of
apocryphal ambages, an uncountable compilation not the
least bit parsimonious in predatory pranks and
roguish antics of fanatical argumentation
)
thus
219) deflecting this already digressive divertimento, this
garden of perplexingly gongoristic esoterica, of
impracticalities of sesquipedalian jugglery, of
gingerly jesting and folly-filled jollification,
from
220) weirdly wrought waxings of jocular jape to a
jumble, a jungle, of jabbering tribulation through a
cracked, crooked crucible of pneumatological quackery; a
noxious nimiety of scarily scarifying execration;
or if,
221) apparently non compos mentis, I seem to go a bit berserk
shying pious brickbats of scathing adjudication
by
bitterly berating, betimes with a bit of bruising burlesque, our
baleful bane of broad-minded barbarization
,
and if
222) lacking longanimity, I belabor loutish language and
sluggardly slobberings of logorrheic lobotomization with
misological bearings born of ideological bricolage, while
panning sorry scenes of phraseological permutation,
for instance,
223) quibbling in brumal blizzards of bloated blither and blabber, a
bollix of squabbles blowing with brio in a botheration of
bluntly blurted blats and bleats of bilious blue burble
and
beligerant blarney brimming with the unblenching exaltation
of an
224) unbottled caboodle of Byzantine baloney in
boringly barren babble; in the tarnishing tyrannization of
very bumptious bobberies
, barefaced bonhomous bosh and
unblushing bluffs of Bunyanesque prevarication,
or if, like a
225) batrachian Beelzebub, I bellow in vibrant verbalization and
blast point blank at the blistering blitz of blatant bilge
, or if
bristling and bridling, I bray and bark at the burly brabble in
lancinating barbs banking on bathetic exploitation

while
226) blaringly bemoaning the boldly bodacious bodement of our
banefully booze-besoden and bedazzled bamboozlement
, in
movingly morose and mawkishly maudlin moans and groans, and
elegiac threnodies of baroque lamentation,
or if I
227) gnash, bash and rashly lash the imperishable rehash, the
obbligato of boisterously blasphemous incantation, while
lambasting the bludgeoning barrage of blackguardly blatherskite in
school-yard name-calling and coarse conversation,
please
228) see, and kindly deem that neither astigmatic want, nor
any other slightest degree of impugnable insufficiency,
remains to be exposed of condign Comstockery, or of
bows to benignantly butyraceous bowdlerization,
but
229) rather that, though it be a bit fustily fuliginous,
bulging with blackish broodings and, yes, fairly bursting as a
vade mecum (as it were) of captious contrivance, pranks, gags and
dunderheaded doings of daringly devious derivation,
and
230) though it could be seen as a slightly obscure entanglement of
feloniously elliptical, baiting and bribing blandishments
in a
big bulking bogey, a boneheaded boondoggle of
nevertheless artfully, anfractuous articulation,
yet, for
231) us lumpen pilgrims who go groggily groping like
country bumpkins lost in the Land of the Philistines
, this
just might agreeably gruntle any grain of greed while
vanquishing any vestigial need for expiation,
and
232) even go so far as to educe the frangible augury, the
sunny-bright atmosphere of burgeoning edulcoration; an
auspicious aspect for the prospective amplification of its
anesthetization
against, or at least its attenuation of,
the
233) ever ongoing pageant of sacerdotal protreptics in
aphotic helotry to nomothetic haruspicy and those
polymorphously hopping hobgoblins of prescriptive nagging and
gorgonizing practices of classroom regimentation
from those
234) Hunnish gerents, perps and grifters, who twisted our faces into
forlorn grimaces of responsive sequacity (causing
ruffles of real resentment and retorts riding on rolling ripples of
breezily insolent, sorely scoffing subvocalization
)
all of which
235) continue to paint a funereal pall on approaching horizons where
still haunt the undead antediluvian incubi
of
gaslighting overseers, and other would-be life butchers with
all their
indefeasibly repressive domination
through
236) well-rewarded psychopathic martinets; egotistically
avaricious avatars of their own repugnant delusion
;
poorly self-made, green-eyed, grisly guardians of graft; just
more ministerial purveyors of ersatz education
who,
237) knavishly insulted by precocious young talent, or
any mysteriously nimble gift of inchoative genius, will, with
unfeeling disclamation, paranoically proffer, in lieu of their
teacherly solicitude, loving care and cultivation
,
only a
238) Brobdingnagian armamentarium of Machiavellian supression; in
place of simple praise and endearing commendation, their
furtive abuse of, and by means of, procrustean bureaucracy,
slinky, snobby snubbery and sneering stultification
all
239) coyly executed under a gamily guiltless guise of
grandly Brahmanical poise and sniffy sanctimonious unction; the
smarmy, darkly smiling visage of demonically cold-blooded
burking
and agile authoritarian strangulation;
their
240) very own cankerous contribution to the horrible heft of
history's hobnail jackboots
, the stomping justification of
ad hominem assault in the war of attrition waged in
deep dank dungeons of dispiteous deprecation
.




GLOSSARY

(back to verse 197)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

agonal attempts to allay any manneristic airs of agonistic atticism - where it really hurts every time you try to do the right thing by not looking as if you are spreading malicious but convincingly authoritative lies just to make a point
foregoing shots at oracular calumniation - when you resist the urge to try uttering malicious lies with magisterial solemnity
ardently avoiding rococo ornamentation - trying very hard not to make your lies any more elaborate or convoluted than they have to be (the mark of an honest politician)
(back to verse 198)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

avidly averting any pejorative appellation - trying your best not to give, or earn, any derogatory nick-names
acrid - very bitter and stinky
tempestuous tide - a tidal wave of water, people, or ideas
full fluviatile amplitude of self-disgust and disinclination - where the feeling of not enjoying your own company is flowing like a wild, raging river
bodily mortifying self-flagellation - working toward spiritual purification by beating yourself on the back with birch branches (which might be one reason why spiritual impurity is so popular these days)
(back to verse 199)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

ineludibly inhere to anxieties of inadequacy in unceasing circumspection and self-exploration - it always accompanies your self-conscious fears that you might be behaving like an ax murderer in polite company when in fact you are trying your hardest to mind your manners and not kill anybody
for socialization, wouldn't that be a sad succedaneum - in terms of early training for membership in civilized society, that choice is a poor substitute for intelligence, but on the other hand, is more likely to make you fit for prison, or for membership in congress
not easily identified by modest minimization - your humble efforts to scale back the things that make you so unfit for polite society are still not so great that anybody can tell the difference
(back to verse 200)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

impercipiently flibbertigibbety - acting like a tarantula is crawling up each of your legs inside your trousers, and all you know is you feel like jumping out the window
hammily niminy-piminy - always making a show of how affectedly effeminate you can be (as if you were a big, muscular, bald, heavily tatooed and bearded saloon bouncer trying to compete as one of the girls in a Miss Teen USA contest)
disproportionately, purblindly prideful and prismatic - having a head too big for your hat, but too small for your expansive ego and your colorful opinions on everything
orgulously orotund - significantly plus-sized (like Henry VIII or William Howard Taft)
inordinately overblown - it's either like a tempest in a tea-pot, or it was like the way you played your trombone in place of the cellist, who was sick, that time in the string quartet recital,
farcically vain and vacuously courtly coruscation - where you try too hard to make people laugh with you, but they laugh at you instead
(back to verse 201)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

pusillanimously pussyfooting into extra-large loblollies of unscholarly squiggling - where, fearing to make a mistake in defending your thesis, you tiptoe straight into an academic swamp infested by those silly professors whose views are so narrow that they thresh and twitch, flail and flounder, writhe, wiggle, wriggle and jiggle over trivial triflings and nugatory fribbles - and if you told them that, they'd think it was a compliment
agnostic subjectivization - basing your opinions on feelings and emotions because you don't believe there's any scientific way to determine the truth
pratfalling into potholes - tumbling head first into holes you didn't notice in the sidewalk
paratactical mudpuddles of unsalvagability in encumbering equivocation - grammatical catastrophies that nobody can straighten out, which is their intended use when politicians want to say as little as possible with as many words as possible (which is as often as possible)
(back to verse 202)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

plowing into philological pits of piddling piffle - enthusiastically adopting ways to say things that turn your ideas into holes of utter absurdity
antsy and atwitter with omnidirectional fecundation - all excited with brand new, freshly stupid ideas
pitched, head first, by demotic imprecision, into parlous, polysemous turgidities of tergiversation - by means of confusing embellishment and incorrectly used common figures of speech, you have fallen head over heels into the use of word patterns that amount to overblown gobbledygook
(back to verse 203)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

railing off the rails in an unruly romp - like the temper tantrum of a 2-year-old, or like your boss expressing his feelings the best way he can
unsparing, rip-roaring rumble, a rollicking rampage - having a wonderful time, pillaging and plundering your way through people's minds
froward free-for-all, a brawl of free-form fisticuffs - like a drunken pie fight in a saloon where, soon, not only fists are flying, but also chairs and tables; or the reason we try to avoid any contention in adult Sunday School class so the Bishop doesn't have to come in with his gun, shooting bullets into the ceiling
liminal spat or splanchnic altercation - like a normal company staff meeting where people are mindlessly hitting each other instead of discussing things
(back to verse 204)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

mercurially hyperkinetic - where you cannot stop moving from one place to another as if you are flying with wings on your feet
bash of a nanocerebrally effectuated saturnalia - a good time had by all, brought about by a person whose prefrontal cortex must be virtually non-functional, as I'm sure we would also find to be the case in all the many people who disagree with me politically
unregulated, hypertensively vein-popping bacchanalia with mad screaming tirades of exophthalmic fulmination - hysterical fits of anger, where the veins in your forehead swell outward and your eyes pop out, and suddenly you remember this friendly speech about God's love is being broadcast on national TV
(back to verse 205)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

saner superficies of irenic asylum - more rational appearance of unchallenged, peace-loving protection
delectable holy grail - the delicious, most important prize to be sought after
signally sapid validation - where the idea that maybe you're not so crazy after all doesn't seem so crazy after all
little-kindly aimed people-dismissing self-enhancement - cutting out of your life certain people whose presence is destroying you (but remember, this does not mean everybody you know); also the popular sport, in the work-place, of crushing people to make yourself look better)
calculated shunning and sundering dissociation - carefully destroying your social life by finding friends to stay away from and completely reject (as your boss might do to you if he catches you putting a dead mouse into the middle his lunch)
(back to verse 206)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

sovereignly soft-headed - where you are the king or queen of stupidity (Or maybe it just means your cranial bones never fused and you find it hard to wear the crown of state because it tends to flatten your head. If this ever becomes a problem in real life, as for example the British royal family, perhaps we'll see helium balloons attached to the crown on the sovereign's head at stuffy functions like the official opening of Parliament, and we'll understand that the royal personage is not trying to be funny or irreverent. Rather, one is trying to keep one's head from going flat.)
solemnly sophomoric - where you think your worldly experience is worth its weight in gold, but it really doesn't even weigh as much as the paper it's printed on
sensationally blockheaded perseveration - where you never know when to let it go, or pack it in, or knock it off, or give it up, or get lost, or take a hike, or quit, or stop, or cease, or desist, or refrain, or retire, or withdraw, or retreat, or . . . you get the idea
longsome, sappily snooty snits and snivelling stints of primitive hissy fits and behavioral extemporization - setting a bad example, or if you prefer, setting a good example of how to be a bad example
(back to verse 207)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

redacting this relatively rebarbative rarefication - after an aggravating attempt to improve your literary offering, now you are more earnestly trying to upgrade it, spiritually and intellectually, by unplugging the congealed clots of verbiage that were infecting every line, and also by removing the naughty parts
compendium - a complete list
truncation - what would improve many books, plays, speeches, poems and spieces of music: namely, a little delicate trimming with the proverbial meat ax
wryly euphonious - sounding good to the ear after your infusions of clever humor
realization of stabbingly sardonic sass - what you actually say, rather than just imagine, when you talk back to a superior with more venom and disgust than you would ever use if that person could actually hear you
incondite inculcation - where you try to teach an idea through the principle of repetition, repeating it over and over (which would be a good method if you could keep remembering what you said)
(back to verse 208)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

model of a magniloquent but mannerly mantic jeremiad - this perfect example of polite but pompous lamentation, oddly touched with divine insight since you just came from the funeral of your wife and seven young children who were murdered in your home by a crazed lumberjack who then ate all the ice cream in your refrigerator
pressing suit of precipitously incremental incrimination - your urgent list of complaints against a person, styled so that each item makes him look worse than the previous one
opulent, if oppresively officious, mongrelized epopee - a big, fancy poem, with no internal unity, presuming to tell people what to do, which they would find highly offensive if they could understand all the big words in it
awfully august, orphic ode of expository dilation - a majestic poem written by someone who must be high on drugs because he thinks he has all the answers to life's deepest questions, such as: Do babies start out knowing more than we do, and by the time they learn how to talk, they've forgotten all of it?
(back to verse 209)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

mealy microsphere - a tiny little area of influence where nothing seems plain or straightforward
serious modern so-called music - new classical music which is taken very seriously by its composers and sponsors, but not so much by those who are bribed to play it, and not at all by lovers of real music who were tricked into listening to it
flaccid mettle, considering all the fetters of its festering fettle - it stinks because it is rotting (The best way to keep ugly new music in finest flowering fettle is to bury it in the earth, keep it soaking wet, and see if anything grows out of it.)
mingy, saprogenically self-ensorcelled petty of partisanship - where hypnotizing yourself into self-serving support for "the cause" only shows that your brain has become a gelatinous heap of intellectual mush and moral corruption
nice-nelly soul-slaughtering internecine intoleration - where people in the office, using all manner of polite political correctness, murder everyone's spirit through their devious manipulations for the advancement of their own jobs
(back to verse 210)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

derisive and adversely prejudicial assignation - where there is general agreement that something could be of interest only to a lowly pack of (as in this case) intellectually petty-minded nit-wits who are completely out of touch with reality (brings to mind that series of free lectures at the University of Edinburgh on The Commercialization of Belly-button Lint during the great 13th-Century Scottish epidemic of Bald-Sheep Disease)
ivory-tower patronage - the backing and support from people who cannot avoid being insulated from the thoughts and feelings of normal people because they are distracted from life on the ground by nothing but esoteric, theoretical and completely useless thoughts
huffy hocus-pocus - ways of deceiving people that are as old as the hills
ritual sacralization of hoary hocus-pocus nose-up academic elitism - where (it's how they maintain the fearful respect of their students when actual teaching is not one of their options)
academic fraud through ritual sacralization by ungraciously inegalitarian strutting and stratification - where some teachers would be better employed far from contact with other people because they have turned themselves into professorial propogandists and ministers of pomp who make sacred the old traditions of intellectual intimidation through smoke and mirrors, show business tricks, and the manneristic pretense of lofty disdain, all in an integrated strategy to inspire fear and loathing in their students so they won't ask too many time-consuming questions and thus learn things
(back to verse 211)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

volubly aids and abets its own brand of bottomless bunk - loudls supports yet another popular methodology for non-teaching in the classroom
rickety ramshackle racket sunk with gratuitous dissonance - the music of those intellectual misfits who wrongly think their compositions are made relevent by being ugly
ear-slamming sham of smashing and clashing slatternly slathers - a deafening hoax of chaotic noise called modern music, perpetrated against innocent concert goers
enshrining flagitious noise in mock legitimization - where, by means that happen to smell as fragrant as an unrefrigerated fish market in the desert, you try to officially advocate a place for bad music in polite society
(back to verse 212)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

countenances collusion in the ghoulish undertaking - like when criminals who sneak their way into government, right under our noses, get away with shredding the Constitution, all together in ways they couldn't do by themselves
sickly salable - can be easily sold as long as the buyers are out of their minds
enfeeblingly faddish fettish and toxic fixation - a dangerous obsession based less on the object than on its popularity
pointless atrocities of analytical pettifoging - horrible abominations of legalistic carping, cavilling, and quibbling over trifles,
musical crimes of vivisectional anatomization - where intellectual analysis destroys the life in a piece of music, as would performing an autopsy before the subject is dead
(back to verse 213)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

cavil and prate in a painful complaint - to whine and complain in the most pathetic manner
rapturous confusion of prosaic prolongation - a complete festival of wrong choices based on your inability to think straight
rag, rap, and rip, gibber and jaw 'til my tongue is raw - saying more than you need to
breathless mime and injudiciously jovial gesticulation - where you've run out of breath, so you try to express yourself using wild gestures with your hands that run the risk of accidentally sticking your finger up somebody's nose
(back to verse 214)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

gruffly gabble, grumble, gripe, and just plain grumpily grouse - what you do when you are so gobsmacked that you get your nickers in a twist
cavalierly grandstanding in a garbled prodigality of turgid gasconade - doing so much button-busting boasting that you can't keep your story straight or your shirt buttoned
ineptly sportive prolixity - where you are very clumsy at making recreation out of turning terse commentary into tediously long-winded diatribes and rambling harangues of inflated bombast and protracted verbosity (and whoever can say the least by using the most words wins)
spunky splurges of pointedly pyrotechnical peroration - where you throw caution to the wind and put real fireworks into your sportive prolixity (see previous)
(back to verse 215)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

gone bananas, I rattle and prattle - where, having lost your mind, you make noises with your vocal apparatus that sound almost like you're trying to say something
bizarrely far beyond the pale - preposterously past the limits of decency and sanity, and whatever is otherwise outrageously inexcusable
censurably vulgar communication - things you say at your own dinner table for which, in some countries, you would be immediately shot, but for which, in other countries, you would be put on television, given obscenely immense piles of money, and elected president
acutely creepy, cryingly curt, clodhoppingly churlish and catty, not to mention cruelly cudgeling, collateral castigation - the unforgivably nasty things you say to someone, but it's all in the sunny, fun-loving spirit of trying to beat them over the head with a club of words. Besides, once the ball started rolling, it couldn't be stopped from doing more damage than it was supposed to. Sorry about that.
(back to verse 216)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

mutter, putter and splutter - to work randomly and without aim, as if you were a member of Congress
drably dabbling in doggerel - the way most of us write poetry (although some of us should try dabbling a bit more drably)
drooling and dribbling drafts of dim-witted drivel - saying things of limited import in a confused manner suggestive of drooling like a baby
duly indicative of obfuscatory sybaritic stupor - where it seems like you've been gratifying your bodily appetites to the point where you've become too confused to further enjoy your life of hell-bent hedonistism
implausible preoccupation - a most unlikely consuming interest
circus side-show bent for paramnesiac somnambulation - proving you belong in a traveling circus, with your weird tendency to walk around in your sleep with no memory of anything you've done, whether it be buying an elephant from an Indian elephant dealer, or putting on clown make-up with permanent magic markers, or mailing a scathing letter to your boss threatening legal action over his affair with your young daughter
(back to verse 217)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

intemporately gregarious and gagably garrulous - so friendly and talkative that eventually, people want to fit you for a hat made of cement
flip-flop, fake and fudge, fizzle, and flintily flout - the way politicians suddenly reverse their opinions solely for graft or political advantage, showing authoritarian contempt for the voters who were counting on them for help and support
vibing and gibing by shrewdly flaunting flotsam - as when the President increases his approval ratings by throwing big pies, as it were, of political nonsense into the public's face
unsteady streaks and stammering swaggers of catachrestical intoxication - when you start speaking and get so distracted by the sound of your own voice that you forget what you were saying
(back to verse 218)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

grammatical swamp, a mirthfully murky mire - what's left when you have so much fun writing something badly that the best way to fix it is to burn it
of apocryphal ambages, an uncountable compilation not the least bit parsimonious in predatory pranks and roguish antics of fanatical argumentation - when, as your last resort trying not to get locked up again in that rubber room, you talk in circles and try to confuse everyone with your wacky word games
(back to verse 219)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

deflecting this already digressive divertimento - leading this little poem away from its already wildly rambling course
garden of perplexingly gongoristic esoterica - a richly cultivated manner of speaking which makes you sound as if you've been sleeping for 300 years and you've wakened up using language so antiquated that nobody can understand you (a good ploy for getting excused from jury duty)
impracticalities of sesquipedalian jugglery - where you use bigger words than you can handle correctly, but you get away with it because nobody else knows what they mean either
gingerly jesting and folly-filled jollification - making a fool of yourself by saying things you don't really mean, but all in good fun (as long as you don't get yourself arrested)
(back to verse 220)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

weirdly wrought waxings of jocular jape - jokes that seem to have been made up in a lunatic asylum
jumble, a jungle, of jabbering tribulation - your attempt to irritate us with babblings so unintelligible that, even if we could hear them, we still wouldn't understand them, and if we could understand them, we would wish we couldn't hear them
cracked, crooked crucible of pneumatological quackery - the point where your many ignorant references to the supernatural become useful in testing our preference for either burning you at the stake or throwing pies in your face
noxious nimiety of scarily scarifying execration - a morally corrupting excess of frighteningly soul-shredding insults
(back to verse 221)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

apparently non compos mentis - seeming to be out of my mind
a bit berserk shying pious brickbats of scathing adjudication - going slightly overboard making remarks that might seem uncomplimentary but when you think about it, they are judgmentally insulting
bitterly berating, betimes with a bit of bruising burlesque, our baleful bane of broad-minded barbarization - mocking and otherwise attacking with gusto the intellectual pride with which we keep our minds so open that our brains fall out
(back to verse 222)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

lacking longanimity - this means that your animity isn't long enough, therefore you are impatient
belabor loutish language - like when you complain that your pastor seems to be yelling at the top of his lungs and saying things that make no sense, every time you come to church drunk
sluggardly slobberings of logorrheic lobotomization - the unrestrained flow of such nonsensical verbosity that is actually makes your brain shrink just by listening to it
misological bearings born of ideological bricolage - irrational words coming out of your mouth which prove that your personal philosophy is based on whatever feels good at the moment
panning - severely criticizing (not unlike hitting someone over the head with a large frying pan)
sorry scenes of phraseological permutation - the regrettable depths to which people have taken their misuse of the English language
(back to verse 223)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

quibbling in brumal blizzards of bloated blither and blabber - purposely avoiding the main point of an argument by complaining about goofy little side details through a skillfully brewed storm of nonsense (how defense attorneys defend the indefensible)
bollix of squabbles blowing with brio - noisy arguments which amount to nothing, but feel like a harsh wind in your face (probably because you are standing nose to nose with the person you're arguing with)
botheration of bluntly blurted blats and bleats of bilious blue burble - angry profanities and other abusive expressions that drunks who get scrappy, as opposed to the ones who get sappy or happy, enjoy yelling at the judge as they are being carried out of the courtroom
beligerant blarney brimming with the unblenching exaltation - congratulating yourself in a way that makes people want to pound vigorously upon your head and torso
(back to verse 224)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

unbottled caboodle of Byzantine baloney - each new edition of the Congressional Record
boringly barren babble - drearily drooling drivel
tarnishing tyrannization of very bumptious bobberies - that crushing feeling when you get engulfed in other people's private uproars (like when you witness a murder and the Mafia is out to get you, or you walk past a private pie fight, you accidentally get hit, and the pie is your favorite flavor so you join in hoping for more)
barefaced bonhomous bosh - the good-natured foolishness you are willing to speak without wearing a paper bag over your head
unblushing bluffs of Bunyanesque prevarication - your unembarrassed telling of whoppers and tall tales so huge that they rival the ones told in the annals of American folklore about Paul Bunyan and Babe, his blue ox
(back to verse 225)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

batrachian Beelzebub - an agent of the devil who looks like an angry toad (like the judge who sentenced you to 600 years in prison just for blowing up an orphanage full of babies and little children)
bellow in vibrant verbalization and blast point blank at the blistering blitz of blatant bilge - to yell, right into someone's face with a pointed barage full of colorful language
bristling and bridling - feeling mad enough to burst into flames by spontaneous combustion
bray and bark at the burly brabble in lancinating barbs banking on bathetic exploitation - yell and carry on against noisy chatter, thereby creating more noisy chatter, filling it with cutting remarks to manipulate people's feelings
(back to verse 226)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

blaringly bemoaning the boldly bodacious bodement of our banefully booze-besoden and bedazzled bamboozlement - loudly (probably with a bullhorn) broadcasting your grief over the awful things that will happen if we don’t stop drugging ourselves into a fun but morally confused fascination with naughty things
movingly morose and mawkishly maudlin moans and groans - mourning so pathetically and so loudly that it makes others want to cry - but not in sympathy
elegiac threnodies of baroque lamentation - sorrowful songs and flamboyant wailing (how you react when your child goes off to his first day at school)
(back to verse 227)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

gnash, bash and rashly lash - really let 'em have it
imperishable rehash - what you yell over and over again back to the police while they're chasing you
obbligato of boisterously blasphemous incantation - as if part of a magic ritual chant, the never-ending stream of tumultuous profanity designed to destroy the spiritual sensitivities of young people as they prepare to save the world from the mess their parents have made of it
lambasting the bludgeoning barrage of blackguardly blatherskite - attacking the vigorous outpouring of morally abusive claptrap that feels like it's beating our brains into mush
(back to verse 228)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

deem - to judge
astigmatic want - where you need something right now because you were too short-sighted to have provided it for yourself ahead of time (for example, teenagers not being able to buy their own cars because when they were babies they never thought about saving their money)
slightest degree of impugnable insufficiency - a minor short-coming, but it's still your fault
condign Comstockery - strict moralistic censorship where it's needed
bows to benignantly butyraceous bowdlerization - regarding books, magazines, plays, musicals, movies, and spoken language, in a sneaky manner so as not to get yourself shot, beaten up, or run out of town, and with only the best of intentions, you take out all the naughty parts, especially when there's nothing left
(back to verse 229)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

fustily fuliginous - so old that it's covered with soot and smoke (a good way to guess how old our friends are)
bulging with blackish broodings - full of gloom, doom and despair
vade mecum - Latin for "handy dandy ready-reference book"
as it were - King's English for "in a manner of speaking" (though not so much in days of yore when the King of England only spoke German)
captious contrivance - some action you have carefully planned out as a fun way to make people angry (like slurping your soup, or invading a country)
dunderheaded doings of daringly devious derivation - really dumb things you do just to be different
(back to verse 230)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

slightly obscure entanglement of feloniously elliptical, baiting and bribing blandishments - where you make it hard for people to see that they're playing right into your sneaky campaign to change their minds, and thereby making themselves accessories to a crime
big bulking bogey - something imaginary that frightens you, like a gigantic eyeball sitting on your front lawn, looking at your house and blinking
boneheaded boondoggle - what congress is creating at any given time
nevertheless artfully, anfractuous articulation - your words, which make so little sense, but sound so complex and beautiful, that we don't want to admit how confused they make us
(back to verse 231)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

us lumpen pilgrims - you and me trying to find our way home from work
groggily groping like country bumpkins lost in the Land of the Philistines - how the executive boards of ballet companies, symphony orchestras, and art museums function in their little worlds of artless and brainless materialism
agreeably gruntle any grain of greed - happily satisfy your most minute, rapaciously covetous desire for more stuff (what Santa Claus will do if you stay off his naughty list)
vanquishing any vestigial need for expiation - getting rid of any left-over desires to make up for what you did
(back to verse 232)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

educe the frangible augury - bring to our attention a faint hint of what's going to happen, so that when it does, we don't run around screaming and shouting
burgeoning edulcoration - an ever increasing influence that gradually softens the effect of things (like perfumed and vitamin-fortified diesel exhaust, cars, trucks, and streets all made of soft rubber, a federal law requiring that everyone say "please" and "thank you" even during bank robberies and Mafia hits
auspicious aspect for the prospective amplification of its anesthetization - a basis for hoping that something might eventually make us less conscious of what's really happening
attenuation - reducing the problem
(back to verse 233)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

pageant of sacerdotal protreptics - the big production you make out of dispensing knowledge as if you were the only one who knows anything
aphotic helotry to nomothetic haruspicy - the intellectual darkness of using methods of discovery that are on a par with ancient Roman predictions which were based on inspections of fresh animal guts
polymorphously hopping hobgoblins - disturbing reminders of things you'd rather forget, which keep keep showing up in different forms
prescriptive nagging - constantly being told "Do it this way because that's how we've always done it"
gorgonizing practices of classroom regimentation - standard teaching methods that make everyone, including teachers, forget how to think for themselves
(back to verse 234)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Hunnish gerents - bosses who try to run the office like Attila the Hun (who was, despite the opinions of all the people he slaughtered, basically a good boy according to his mother)
perps and grifters - thieves, embezzlers, corporate CEO's, failed assassins, and government officials who receive pay for services not rendered
forlorn grimaces of responsive sequacity - how you use your face to express the misery of being someone else's slave, or of having to pay taxes
ruffles of real resentment and retorts riding on rolling ripples of breezily insolent, sorely scoffing subvocalization - the nasty comments of indignation you mutter under your breath
(back to verse 235)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

paint a funereal pall - when you take all the fun out of everything
approaching horizons, where still haunt the undead antediluvian incubi - where things that seem to be just beyond your experience continue to give you the heebie-jeebies because they're getting closer, which might explain all the time you spend in a fetal position under the kitchen sink
gaslighting overseers, and other would-be life butchers - those instructors, employers and supervisors who managed to make you think you didn't have enough intelligence or talent to do your job, to the point where you doubted your own sanity; and other people just like them who did more harm than good, like Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin and Attila the Hun
indefeasibly repressive domination - where they beat you down and remove your brain (without anesthetic)
(back to verse 236)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

well-rewarded psychopathic martinets - your usual run-of-the-mill, heartless and mindlessly unimaginative functionaries who make your life miserable as they hide behind strict adherence to the rules, for which they are the ones who rise to the top of the organization until they can be booted out by the next, younger version of themselves
egotistically avaricious avatars of their own repugnant delusion - people who think too highly of themselves and have become personal embodiments, the pathetic living results, of their own offensive ideas
green-eyed, grisly guardians of graft - greedy protectors of corruption who are always trying to grab a bigger piece of the action for themselves, at the expense of others
ministerial purveyors of ersatz education - teachers who think they are qualified to teach simply because they went to college and got a degree, and then had many years of experience teaching without getting beaten up or shot despite the way they taught
(back to verse 237)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

knavishly insulted by precocious young talent - how some teachers feel when they find a student who is more gifted than they are
mysteriously nimble gift of inchoative genius - exceptional mental capacity that grows faster than anyone could have predicted
disclamation - something that serves to renounce, reject, deny or disavow
paranoically proffer, in lieu of their teacherly solicitude, loving care and cultivation - where they give as little of themselves as they can get away with, instead of the levels of personal investment one would expect from teachers, mentors and parents, all as if their first concern is how much harm the giving might cause them
(back to verse 238)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Brobdingnagian armamentarium of Machiavellian supression - all the cunning and opportunistic use of billy clubs, hunting knives, pistols, machine guns, bazookas, cannons, tanks, fighter jets, bombers, submarines, battle ships and aircraft carriers you might need in order to keep your friends under control
endearing commendation - kind words of support that generate love and loyalty
furtive abuse of, and by means of, procrustean bureaucracy - the inhumane things you are able to do to others by simply following fixed rules without nuance or judgment, which is how you manage to completely corrupt them
slinky, snobby snubbery - where, instead of accepting, with gracious humility, what you think is your superiority over someone else, you quietly ignore them (not to be confused with slinky snotty shrubbery which is what's left when you quietly blow your nose into the bushes)
sneering stultification - smiling at someone so scornfully that they begin to feel they might do more for humanity by jumping off a cliff
(back to verse 239)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

coyly executed - done without worrying about it because you're sure nobody will know it was you until it's too late
gamily guiltless guise - an unwholsomely misleading appearance of human decency
Brahmanical poise - when your serenity can't be disturbed or ruffled because you are so crème de la crème, so beau monde, so elite, so intelligently refined, and so offensively snobbish
sniffy sanctimonious unction - where, in haughty disdain, you think you're the cat's pajamas looking all holy and full of righteous concern for others
smarmy, darkly smiling visage of demonically cold-blooded burking - the happy face you attach to the horrible deeds by which you get rid of someone; like a clown who frightens people to death
agile authoritarian strangulation - where someone skillfully uses their ill-gotten authority to squeeze the life out of you
(back to verse 240)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary

cankerous contribution to the horrible heft of history's hobnail jackboots - soul-rotting participation in the atrocities of history against the innocent peace-loving masses of humanity
ad hominem assault - where instead of arguing against a person's ideas, you call him names, or impugn the reputation of his parents, perhaps implying that he had none
war of attrition waged in deep dank dungeons of dispiteous deprecation - the process by which the cruel ways of the world cause good people to feel worthless and give up



PAGE 6
Verses 241 - 296
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